Great Mums! Great Kids! by Michelle Looi...

a review by a former househusband.

The book was first published by Pelanduk Publications in 1993, had its second print in 1995, and a third (revised) in 2007.

I was asked by Michelle to read the last edition and write a review on it, and to provide some publicity in my blogsite for this coming Mothers' Day on May 7. Part of the proceeds from the sale of the book has been generously donated to KAMI (Kinta Action on Mental Issues) Ipoh, and Reaching Out Programme Bentong, Pahang.

Me? Review a book? Well, there is always the first time. I feel honoured to be given this pleasure of reading something close to my heart, having been a househusband or homemaker before. Maybe that was the reason she came to me – the opinions from a Great Dad?

My initial reaction was, 'Why not write one for Great Dads! Great Kids!' to which I can provide some first hand information?' Michelle actually liked the idea of me writing about this, which she hopes could be included in her next book, as one of a number of articles she is trying to collect from various people.

In my personal opinion, that her book is biased towards mums was evident in her introduction ...'The title of this book throws a challenge to the fathers to pick it up and hopes to provoke them to ask the following questions: “What about me, the role of a father? Where do I fit in? After all, I too contribute to the upbringing of my children.”'

My retort would be “In my case, I gave them both quality as well as quantity time!” Many busy parents equate the little time they spend with their children as 'quality time', which is not necessary so. Similarly, quantity time as provided by me does not necessary mean more is better.

When I assume the role of househusband, only my eldest, son, missed out because by then, he was already in Form 5, studying in Anderson School, Ipoh. My elder daughter then was in Std 6 while the younger in Std 4, studying in St. Bernadette's Convent, Batu Gajah. The positive results of my role if I can call it that, or more appropriately my 'rewards', were the fact that both of them excelled in their studies and were Head Prefects in their respective years in secondary school. But more important was the fact that all three are in regular contact with us and care about our wellbeing, which is an important aspect of education.

If we look around us, after some basic needs, we do not need to be rich to live a wonderful life. In fact, those who have much in their names live surprisingly simple. They wear comfortable clothes and ordinary footwear. Sometimes, they even go out of their way to try to be inconspicuous which seems a sharp contrast to those with false pretense.

I must say Michelle writes 'from the heart' and provides useful information to mothers, based on her own personal experiences, as well as those of friends and relatives around her. The book is filled with relevant and useful quotes from educationists, psychologists, philosophers and well known statesmen. Parenting can never become irrelevant as children become parents themselves and the same 'trials and tribulations' of motherhood or fatherhood is being repeated. This explains why even though this book was first published 17 years ago, it remains just as relevant, if not more so, because of extra distractions and demands of modern living in this age of information technology.

A letter from ALChoo of Kuala Lumpur, dated 1st June, 2007 is testimony to Michelle's ability to transform people's thinking through her positive attitude:

It's been umpteen years since I really sat down and read a true and proper book. As I went through every word, phrase, sentence, paragraph and page, I felt as if all these years, I was totally lost in this unpleasant journey of my life. I was always filled with anger, sorrow, misery, guilt, self-pity and easily irritated. As I read through, I seemed to be gathering lots of lost pieces which have somehow got scattered all along the way.

I am now picking up confidence and rejuvenating my spirit of life from the first to the last page of your book. I am suddenly recharged into life once again. I cannot find proper words to express my gratitude. At the age of sixty I'm going to re-educate myself. You've shown me the path back to happiness.

Just thanks, Michelle, Real Thanks from the Deepest Part of My Heart!

I am most impressed by her account of how positive thinking, like going on holiday instead of another operation, helped her to lose two lumps discovered in December 1987. This baffled even the surgeon who operated on her cancer of the thyroid in 1984. If you believe in miracles, this must have been one of them!

This book is not just about parenting but also the life experiences of a now retired English teacher who had cancer many years ago, and how she managed to cope with this dreadful illness through belief in God, healthy living and positive thinking.

Michelle was inspired by Lao Tse's words: “Kindness in words creates confidence; kindness in thinking creates profoundness; kindness in giving creates love.” It is this very kindness that we must spread and inculcate. We, as parents, are in a vantage position to show this kindness in the home – our child's first school and we, his or her first teachers.

On parenting, in a nutshell, I would put her advice to both parents, mothers in particular, as to be able to treat your child with love, care and respect. There has to be communication, which is essential for bonding between parent and child, and friendship to create rapport between them. She devoted a chapter to the importance of 'The one-minute hug' which is so important to make a child feel secure and loved.

For a start, we have to be mindful of ourselves to set as good examples at home for them to learn from. We have to be 'Extra Sensitive to our child's Senses' to provide the necessary encouragement to develop his or her innate potential.

When they are being educated in school, we have to provide them with security and reassurance of our love especially during times of failure or when they missed the chance to excel in examinations.

As Michelle suggests, her book should be a good gift on Mothers' Day. I would even add that the book should be recommended reading not only for both parents and children because of its content which most of us can relate to, but also for students in general because it is written in excellent English by a English teacher at a time when we are trying so hard to improve their standard of English. Perhaps those students at the receiving end of unreasonable parents could point out the advice given by Michelle!

It is available in MPH bookstores. I have tried linking her blogsite http://gmgk.blogspot.com/ which was set-up in 2007 but unfortunately not updated because she had to stay away from computers and even mobile phones. But I must warn that apart from Amazon.com, one of her three links was no longer there and the link to Pelanduk (the publisher) even has Trojan horse virus when I visited the site.

Link