when dealing with those with poor memory:
"You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
when dealing with name-droppers:
"I'm glad to hear that the chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
when dealing with those with superior complex:
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
when dealing with those who believe in quotas:
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
“No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
AND THE WINNER IS....
when dealing with conceited women:
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
(edited from text forwarded by Bayi. Thanks.)