How should we judge a government?

In Malaysia, if you don't watch television or read newspapers, you are uninformed; but if you do, you are misinformed!

"If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing." - Malcolm X

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience - Mark Twain

Why we should be against censorship in a court of law: Publicity is the very soul of justice … it keeps the judge himself, while trying, under trial. - Jeremy Bentham

"Our government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no
responsibility at the other. " - Ronald Reagan

Government fed by the people

Government fed by the people

Career options

Career options
I suggest government... because nobody has ever been caught.

Corruption so prevalent it affects English language?

Corruption so prevalent it affects English language?
Corruption is so prevalent it affects English language?

When there's too much dirt...

When there's too much dirt...
We need better tools... to cover up mega corruptions.

Prevent bullying now!

Prevent bullying now!
If you're not going to speak up, how is the world supposed to know you exist? “Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit, tapi selama ia tidak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah.” - Ananta Prameodya Toer (Your intellect may soar to the sky but if you do not write, you will be lost from society and to history.)

Friday, March 30, 2012

Anwar to be replaced as Opposition Leader?

Yes, and Hadi Awang, Azmin Ali and Lim Kit Siang are not the candidates they have in mind...

PAS confirms plan to replace Anwar as Opposition Leader

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Anachronistic and feeling out of place too

An Arab enters a taxi...

Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidels and certainly no radio ...

So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.

The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”

The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get out and wait for a camel.”


Little Mohamed entered his classroom in France.

What is your name? asked the teacher.

Mohammad.... answered the kid.

Here we are in France, there is no Mohamed. From now on your name will be Jean-Francois, replied the teacher.

In the evening, Mohamed returned home.

How was your day, Mohamed? asked his mother.

My name is not Mohamed, I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois.

Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you... and she beat him. Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely.

The next day Mohamed returned to school.

When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked:
What happened my little Jean-Francois?

Well Miss, just two hours after becoming French, I was attacked by two Arabs!

NEP in a nutshell

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the PM's residence.

One is from MIC , another is from MCA , and the third is from UMNO.

All three go with a PM's House-official to examine the fence.

The MIC contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The MCA contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The UMNO contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the House-official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The UMNO contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from MCA to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how our NEP works.

Attaturk did this?


Why people decide to have smaller families...

Less burden mah!

What does the cow say to the watchdog?

You watch my back, I watch yours.

When you pretend to be what you are not...

others may not get what you are trying to be!

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note.

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
ABC Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,
ABC Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint...

'Street gangs' in Calgary, Alberta

Somehow, I am reminded of students who hang out outside our house instead of attending classes.

A Father who is not like your Daddy

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A bit on descriptions

I am not surprised at this description because a friend's son had his job description described as 'Erection Executive' in a construction company.

This is quite typical of a translation from Chinese... how else would you describe a female man?

This was definitely a mistake...

This is direct translation...

This is a deliberate design (not wrong description) just to be original and different...

For those who like to read...

You can even literally read the time!
The designer of this clock must have spent much time to get this unusual clock right.

World’s first Android powered OEM car stereo!

"How do you like the idea of a car stereo that can play Angry Birds? Well thanks to Clarion and their new Mirage car stereo system, it’s something that may arrive in the mass-marketed vehicles very soon. The new stereo was shown off in Penang this afternoon, and the system’s claim to fame is that it’s the first Android-based automotive grade car stereo in the market..."

"When you have Android, you have apps! Imagine being able to upgrade your car stereo’s firmware just like you do with your phone. At the demo, Clarion showed one of these units running Facebook, Twitter, and Angry Birds. With this device aiming to be a car stereo, it’s important to note that it is an AVN style double-DIN player, accepting SD cards, USB devices, and will even connect to devices over Blueooth..."

"The Mirage is also iOS friendly, so you can plug in your iPod or iPhone just as easily as you can with an Android device..."

"The device boasts a 6.5-inch LCD hooked up to a touch screen graphical interface. A Samsung Galaxy Note user described the interface as “instantly familiar”. The software version is Android 2.2 Froyo, but don’t forget, although Froyo is now considered “outdated”, it is a great build that continues to serve people well!..."


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Thanks to Dadikasi...

I can now afford a Bugatti Veyron! Just like American Idol's former judge, Simon Cowell...

It's a driver's car, so I have to fill up petrol myself...

Rm24,598.50 road tax is nothing when I am a billionaire...

What a wonderful world it is, to be an ex-PM's son in Malaysia. When I want a race track, I got an F1 track in Sepang! What more can I ask for?

Best iPad demonstration..

in Stockholm... with a bit of magic. So don't blame yourself for not making full use of yours...


Monday, March 26, 2012

Fart is best speech topic for originality?

Seriously, it is very interesting. I have typed out the speech because the image cannot be enlarged to be readable:


Hi, today I am going to talk to you about farts.

Some people think farts are rude and some people think farts are funny, like me.

I think farts are hilarious.

Farting is a fact of life. Everybody farts.

The Queen farts, superstars fart and I fart.

We will fart until the day we die. And apparently a person can still fart after death.

Do you know why we fart?

Fratulence, wind or farts, whatever you like to call them, is the production of the mixture of gases in the digestive tract, that are by-products of the digestive process.

The average person farts about 14 times a day, which produces about half a litre of fart gas. (Personally I think I fart more than 14 times a day).

Farts are made up of the following:

Nitrogen, the main ingredient making up 59%; next behind is hydrogen at 21%; 9% carbon dioxide; 7% methane; 3% oxygen; and 1% other stuff.

But listen to this – hydrogen suphide is the compound that makes them stink!

Here are the top 10 farters:

1st Termites
2nd Camels
3rd Zebras and my pony Free
4th Sheep
5th Cows
6th Elephants
7th Labradors and retrievers
8th Humans (vegetarians)
9th Humans (non-vegetarians)
10th Gerbils (also known as the desert rat)

If you are going to fart, do not sit by flames, because farts are very flammable.

Also, they can come motoring out of your bottom at 10 kmh.

No wonder some of you have holes in your undies!

Please do not panic if you find yourself trapped in a small space like a closet, as it is impossible to suffocate in your own farts. Unless Ben (my little brother) is there with you!

Anyway next time you fart, don't think it is rude. Just know that everybottie, oops, I mean, everybody farts.

Thank you for listening to my fartastic speech.

Here's a little poem that I'd like to share with you:

“A fart can be useful
It gives the body ease.
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.”


Unintentional... but rude?

But this serving Menteri Besar has been described as 'samseng' when you google his name...
Adnan Yaakob

His latest outburst was calling journalists 'Stupid!' But I think his role in putting the cart before the horse in allowing Lynas plant to be built before proper approvals and compliance is unforgivable.

Problem with walking down the stairs?

This seems a nice solution, especially to the kids...

and some retired firemen!

A bit on how US planned the attack to get Osama

Watched an Astro documentary last night on how US planned the assault to kill Osama, which took six months of preparation (imagine the costs) and to some, ten years too late. A replica of the mansion in Pakistan was built in US to train the crack SEAL team so that they could familiarize with the real thing. But the actual mission was fraught with possible dangers like tripping wires, booby traps and even suicide bombs.

Highlights included the tight secrecy necessary to ensure success. It involved encroaching into Pakistan territory without prior permission. Even those taking part did not know who was the target (code-named 'Geronimo') until the last minute before action began. Meetings of high level officials in the White House which involved the arrival of many cars were downplayed to the extent of hiding the cars parked, away from public view. Even the order of pizzas were done to avoid suspicion! On the eve of the planned mission, President Obama even attended a function where Osama's name was mentioned by someone at the mic who did not know of the real situation and Obama just smiled. On the day itself, President Obama even played golf to avoid suspicion. But he played 9 holes instead of his usual 18. Imagine the white lies told to families of those involved in the top level discussion.

With modern technology, President Obama and his trusted aides could see live on a huge screen what actually went on with the mission in Pakistan, except for a few minutes when it was pitch dark. There was an unexpected accident which involved a helicopter just before the start of the attack on the ground which caused much anxiety to the President and his men. Towards the end of the mission, a decision was made to blow up the downed copter so that its high-tech equipment would not land in the wrong hands. The loud explosion actually alerted an internet user who tweeted about it!

The most unusual part was when a person who looked like Osama was shot dead, there was not even a tape measure to measure his height, which was believed to be 6ft. 4 in.! A SEAL member was asked to lie down next to the corpse in order to estimate his height!

Some background information...

Youtube: Target: Osama bin Laden

Hakka Mee service is faster than fast food outlets

Sunday morning and my wife craved for Hakka mee in Ipoh. My son has yet to try it, though he had been twice when it was closed for the day or having sold out. I told her we should go there early to avoid the crowd.

This famous Hakka mee shop used to be opposite its present location in Jalan Sultan Iskandar (formerly Hugh Low St.) Though the shop is now bigger, its increasing popularity was obvious from the difficulty in finding seats as early as 10 am! We were lucky to find a table in the so-called 'air-cond' room big enough for only 2 small tables and some chairs.

I can still remember the fast service when a friend from Australia had breakfast there before we set off for Penang, about 2 years ago. I think we waited for just over 5 minutes to have the noodles and drinks served!

This time too, I was surprised at the fast service by the coffee shop lady who served our drinks within 3 minutes. I was worried about not being seen (esp. in the tiny room) by those serving the noodles but I shouldn't have, because a worker brought the chopsticks and tiny plates for garlic and chilly sauce, and soon after our order was taken, the noodles were served, within minutes.

One of the reasons for the fast service is the system of ordering and serving, which is well understood by the workers. I believe the boss has in place an excellent system in the preparation of food too. Though it seems simple, I have come across very slow service with some noodle sellers. I could see the workers going round to look out for newcomers so that their orders could be taken fast. The drinks section appear to be run by others but the fast service must have been contagious. Fast service means fast turnover of customers and fast sale means earlier closing time! This is a place for those new to such business, to learn from as well as to emulate.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Ipoh has so many new names for old roads...

that there is a List of roads in Ipoh in Wikipedia! Ask any old timer and you are likely to hear him mentioning the old names instead of the new ones. I searched for 'Hugh Low Street' and I was surprised there are still so many references to it by journalists, bloggers and so on. It is now known as Jalan Sultan Iskandar.

Our present Sultan of Perak and family have three main roads named after them: Jalan Sultan Azlan Shah is now the longest (stretches from former Jalan Tasek, Tiger Lane, to Jalan President Kennedy which joins Jalan Pasir Puteh); Jalan Raja Permaisuri Bainun (Jalan Kampar); and Jalan Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah (Jalan Gopeng). There are so many institutions named after them that someone joked that Perak should be renamed Perak Darul Azlan!

Last Friday, we were at Boh Tea Plantation's cafe when we overhead a Sikh woman trying very hard to explain to her taxi driver the location of her hotel (Hotel Impiana, formerly known as Hotel Casuarina) in Ipoh. I turned round and seeing that I appear willing to help, she handed her handphone to me to speak to the driver from KL. I had to describe how to get there and also to inform him that it is along Jalan Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah, formerly known as Jalan Gopeng. I was tempted to add that the hotel now belongs to the royal family!

One of the women asked if we were from Ipoh and said that the Sikh man drawn by Lat the cartoonist was her uncle! Her father used to work for Ipoh General Hospital, which incidentally I did not mention, is now named Hospital Raja Permaisuri Bainun! It is amazing for someone like her, who used to live in Ipoh, but seem unable to direct her aunt's taxi driver! I cannot blame her, especially after so many changes to old road names. Anyway, she said she is now living in Singapore and her aunt, in Australia. They were here to attend a relation's wedding.

Dato Ariff Sabri: Get real Mr. Prime Minister

"...This is what UMNO and BN and the UMNO president fear most. That people are slowly but surely realizing that there is life without UMNO and what’s better- there is a better life without UMNO. Let’s repeat this once more there’s life without UMNO and there’s a better life without UMNO indeed. Tell your friends, neighbors about this- let us kick out the kleptocratic maniacs out of Putrajya and forge a new future. Let’s square off with Najib as the opposition leader. We will see he is a paper tiger who without a scripted text, cannot respond to out of pre-approved questionings..."

Rest of his article in his blog:

Tan Sri Jeffrey Cheah is in town...


This afternoon, on our way back from Ipoh to a Pusing Esso service station to fill up, I spotted a helicopter on the grass lawn outside his brother's house. Not sure when the land was purchased, whether it was meant to be an occasional helipad, but years ago, the locals assumed it was meant to prevent another house being built. But it must have been so convenient for Tan Sri to literally drop by to pay his eldest brother a visit. There were a few curious kids around the copter, after all, it wasn't everyday they or us got to see one up close. I can still remember a few years ago, when Tan Sri first came in his copter for a function at a local school's multi-purpose hall named after his father, Dato Cheah Fah, many local residents struck 4-D lottery based on its number!

Anyway, at the service station, my wife asked the boss if he knew whether the copter was Tan Sri's and his reply said it all about the question being obvious: 'Who else has a helicopter to fly home with?' Another presumption was that he was back for Cheng Beng, an annual Chinese ritual of visiting the graves of their ancestors.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

A bit on communication gap...

due to poor grasp of English expressions.

Ah Chai and his wife visit a marriage counselor.

First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.

The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?"

The wife replies, "It's my husband, he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"

"How does he drive you crazy?"

"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"

"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public !"

"Hmm, anything else?"

The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."

So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy and she might even leave you."

The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be her problem?"

The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public, looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."

Ah Chai looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said."

"What did he say?"

"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

The husband looks sheepish, "Oh! That's what he meant. Okay."

The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public."

"Well, it’s another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity."

"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.

"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

"This," says the husband seriously,"is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing."

"What did he say?"

Ah Chai replies: "In his dying breath, he said. "Son, don't fuck up!"


A bit on supply and demand

Once upon a time in a village in India, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.

The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.'

The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!


Selected one-liners

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.


Be wary of the English alphabet 'W'

Which is the most Dangerous Alphabet in English ??
The Answer is "W" in Wrong.

"W" is a tension generator...
because all the worries and troubles we get begins with "W"...

Who ? Why? What ? When ? Which ? Whom? Where ?
War... Wine... Whisky... Women... Worry... Water ... Witch... Wealth

And finally ... You have to accept this : WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT... WIFE...

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going;
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end,
the mourners wondering too where he is going.

Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your guardian angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where were you when I got married?

Last but not least, there was a man who said,

"I never knew what happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late."

Something irresistible to women

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand..

Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued,

'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . .. . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !


Friday, March 23, 2012

BR1M: Boon or bane?

BR1M seems a favourite topic of discussions in coffee shops because it affected most people: those who are eligible, those who are not eligible, and those in-between, either eligible but did not apply or ineligible but tried their luck. There were much confusion over whether it was meant for those 60 and above only, those who are below 60 but with dependents, and so on. The ambiguous conditions, if not, the lack of or poor definitions of the conditions, together with the poorly trained people in charge, had led to confusion of all and sundry. To those who know each other well, there were jealousies too, as to why some with means were acceptable while those who are genuinely poor and needy were rejected.

This is also the time for completion and submission of Tax Returns. There were some who did not apply for BR1M because of the fear of getting involved with the LHDN since they are not in their record. Some BR1M applicants were successful but got penalized for non-filing of tax returns or under-declared their incomes. Whether there was any connection between the two or mere coincidence, your guess is as good as mine. There were reports of tax officers going from one shop to another in Bercham, Ipoh recently. The LHDN employees must have been really busy these days, not only having to deal with the annual enquiries on tax returns, but those relating to BR1M recently. I believe they are also under pressure to find the money to fund our PM's generosity!

Many people who are employed are subjected to deductions of tax from their salaries. Their incomes are known and there is no room for evasion of tax, unless they have secret side incomes. They are naturally unhappy with those who are obviously making lots of money from their businesses, but judging from their acquisitions of properties and buying of luxury cars, are obviously under-declaring their incomes. It is obvious to those who know them but not necessarily those in LHDN. Some believe it is better not to declare and wait for LHDN to come after them and settle or 'kautim' with the officer in charge!

I believe BR1M appears to be good for the people but there might be an ulterior motive (besides trying to gain popularity for the GE) of adding more people to their database for the purpose of widening the tax net. In a way, this is good for the nation because those who are not paying income tax or under-declare their incomes are being unfair to those honest taxpayers.

Did you know these are fiction not facts?

I just realized that a list of 'Did you know?' with title 'Knowledge is power' which was forwarded to me days ago, could easily be good enough as an April Fool's joke! Many of us take anything printed or 'published' for granted as true as well as correct. These days, we should read and see if it makes sense before assuming anything as true or correct. Often, I find mistakes in calculations. Below are more obvious examples which I find hard to believe or unsubstantiated, or even bothering on ludicrousness...

Dr Azly Rahman: Malay a fruitless language

Lovely is the English language
More fruitful than that of the Malays
I could see the fruitfulness of it
And learn to appreciate juiciness when you bite into it
Unlike the dryness of that of the Malays

You can call someone an apple of your eye
And when you fall in love with that person you can go bananas
In Malay you can't call your date a rambutan
and be mistaken as an orangutan
you can be crazy in love and go bananas but you can't say that I am
going to be a pisang
no no no -- Malay is a fruitless language

Fruity is the English language
Better than that of the fruitless Malays

You can fall out of love and become a sour grape
When the apple of your eye left you for the Big Apple
You can see politicians become sour grapes
When they are no longer favoured in their Banana Republic
In the fruitless Malay language, when you become a sour grape
You can't call yourself a kedondong and sit under a tree like ikan temenong
You can't even call your ex-girlfriend a pulasan
as you were the first to 'perasan' and became a sour grape

Ahh Tutti Frutti English Language
Ahhh no such things as ... buah muah ... in Malay language
simply won't go as Malay is a fruitless language

English is in demand
as a fruity language Malaysians should have command
Americans can drive a 'lemon'
Can Malaysians drive a 'longan'?

Ahhh ... there there is an English fruit called 'squash'
One can even play the fruit and be good at squash
Can Malaysian be good at durians
And roll them down the bowling lane?
How fruitless is the Malay language

I have often wondered why traditional English parents love the fruit cantelope
They feed their girls that thing at an early age
Now that I am in love with the English language I know it means
... "can't elope" ... hah ... how fruity is the beauty of the language
But can you Malays come up with a fruit that "can't elope"
I bet you can't ... you fruitless language
The best you can tell a girl is that she is a "jambu" but she will still elope.

When you are in love and with the apple of your eye
When you go bananas and saved from being a sour grape
When you go on a date in Strawberry Fields
Your heart will always be on Orange Alert
You will be cheery like wild cherry
No-- can the Malay language be as fruitful and fruity as this
No it can't
How could you call your girlfriend a lychee
And not expect her the smack you with her tai chi
And you go crazy over her like a Siamese mango without biji
And your heart beat fast like a magoesteen on 100-meter dash to eternity

Fruity is the English language
Darling are the clementines
Like in the song "Oh my darling ... clementine"
Try using that line via the fruitless Malay language
Trying saying "sayang ku .... limau kasturi"
And you'll see Hang Lekir and Hang Lekiu
running after you crying like a Portuguese fruit under a Melakka tree

English even have "pomegranade"
Of which the word grenade emanate
Fruitless language Malay don't have this
The closest is the sound of the popping of buah getah
As a child visiting grandma and grandpa in Penang I would wonder
what the heck is that little C4s of a fruit's doing

Okay maybe there is one fruity word the Malays can be proud of
is when they call their love one "buah hati"
or "fruit of the heart"
now logically, do hearts have fruits?
or fruits have heart?
unless you talk about love that is coming to fruition
and the heart is cheery like a shaved rambutan
or a repented durian that finally bathe in perfume water
made from a concoction of limau kasturi and fermented lychee

So-- what then must we worry
Fruitless it will be
Of which language is more fruity
When we all now know
which one is
the good .. the bad ... and the fruity ... !

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Discriminating Dachshund favouring foster piggy...

A Dachshund is fostering this little guy for another mom who couldn't take care of him.
He had his eyes closed, but now they are open.

He is just a little bigger than her other pups.
She loves this little guy as much as the other puppies and she is nursing him back to health.
He is the cleanest pig-puppy ever, because she licks him all the time!

Why so quick in transferring unclaimed monies?

"WOULDN'T it be nice to find out that there is money due to you? Now, you can actually perform an online index search to see if you have any money with the Registrar of Unclaimed Moneys. The Unclaimed Moneys Act 1965 requires businesses to send to the government a report on any unclaimed moneys in their possession. Unclaimed money can be in the form of dormant bank account monies, share dividends, life insurance policies, unclaimed wages and EPF contributions..."

The Edge: Have any unclaimed money? By Lim Siew May on 26 Jan 2011

I found an outdated cheque (08/04/2010) for Rm56.25 from Chuan Huat Resources Bhd and decided to claim for it. The following were the steps I had to go through:

1. Called up the listed company's registrars, Sectrars Services Sdn Bhd and was told to write to them with a copy of the cheque;
2. Received a reply from Sectrars (14/02/2012) informing me that they had submitted my claim to Pendaftar Wang Tak Dituntut, and to wait for their acknowledgement;
3. Received a letter from Sectrars (15/03/2012) instructing me to complete an enclosed Form UMA-7, together with their confirmation letter for submission to PWTD;
4. Sent by ordinary post the completed form with the confirmation letter today; and
5. Now sit and wait, and hope it will reach PWTD and then a cheque for the amount claimed.

It should be noted that with the e-Dividend system in place, such problems of dividend cheques lost in the post or misplaced by recipients will be increasingly rare. But until then, I believe there must be many instances of 'dormant bank account monies, share dividends, life insurance policies, unclaimed wages and EPF contributions' which our government has been accumulating happily. I can still remember the days when such transfers of unclaimed monies were done after 7 years! In the case of my dividend cheque, after just over a year and it was transferred! I can also remember our government had announced some time ago (rubbing their hands in glee, I suppose) that they will be using the accumulated unclaimed billions in EPF accounts! I could sense the almost indecent eagerness to transfer unclaimed monies to the government.

I wonder how many of us would take the trouble to go through what I had been through for just Rm56.25! But I did it partly to gather first hand information on the claiming procedure.


Lawyer is likely to be a good liar?

A married lawyer had been having fun in his car with his secretary.

On getting home, his wife saw a pair of panties on the back seat. She tore it apart, screaming, "What the hell is this? What have you been up to??".

He calmly replied, "You have just destroyed the evidence of the rape case worth a million for me, which I'm handling. You can forget the jewellery you wanted!".

She quickly fell on her knees apologising.

No one wins over a Lawyer, even someone called A WIFE...

Stressful having to keep up with new scams

From my mailbox:

1. I received a call from a Malay lady, number shown on my mobile phone: +25013169.

2. This lady spoke in Malay, informed that she is from POS Malaysia. She read out my name and IC number, then informed that there were 2 high court letters addressed to me but could not be delivered.

3. She will fax the letters to a police station, and will request personnel from the police station to contact me later.

4. She gave a reference no. for the letter: 49951, and asked me to check with the police personnel who will call later, to ensure that they are the correct person acting on the correct letters.

5. 10 minutes later I received a call from one lady, identified herself as Madam Cheah, spoke in Malay, saying from Bukit Aman Police HQ. Number shown on my mobile phone: +60322662222.

6. I know this is a scam, so I purposely spoke rudely to her (asked her to speak louder etc.) She got angry, said that if I don't believe her, to call back the number to verify, then hung up.

7. I did a search through internet, confirmed that the number +60322662222 is indeed from Bukit Aman HQ.

8. Instead of using my mobile phone to call back, I used Skype to call the number. A Malay lady picked up the call and I checked with her whether this is Bukit Aman, she replied yes, then I hung up.

9. Quickly I ran through a few postings in the internet on such scams.

10. In between, they called again and left "missed" calls.

11. From postings in the internet, apparently if you called them back using the mobile phone, it will be connected directly to them (the syndicate).

12. But if you call using landline (Telekom), you will be connected to the REAL Bukit Aman.

13. So I used the landline and called the number, a male police officer answered the phone.

14. I told him my story, he confirmed that this is a scam, and said that many victims have already called them today and they are working with the multimedia commission investigating this.

15. The police officer confirmed that the syndicate is using a phone phishing technique, to make the number appearing as from Bukit Aman when they called.

16. If you called back using your mobile phone, probably there are someone from the mobile phone company working behind with them, will direct your call to the syndicate.

Sharing the above encounter with you so that you will not fall victim to this latest scam.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Lynas, oh Lynas...

You are so far-sighted to have spotted tiny Malaysia for radioactive waste disposal when your Australian hinterland is bigger than even the whole of Europe!

You are so kind to think of sending tons of earth at great trouble and expense by sea over thousands of kilometres just to increase our foreign direct investments.

I believe a Parliamentary Select Committee is not going to help the situation because for those with vested interests, they have already decided to have the plant operational, by hook or by crook. For those who opposed, nothing short of a shut-down before it can start is acceptable because there is no room for compromise.

Like those Royal Commissions of Inquiry, PSC is going to be merely a delaying tactic and whitewash without resolving the real issue.

Our present government should be held responsible if the Lynas plant is going ahead after whatever studies and inquiries. Perhaps, we have better chance of stopping them in Australia than relying on our political leaders who are more concerned with their own private interests than that of our citizens.

Distinctively a dentist

A guy and a girl met in a bar. They got along so well that they decided to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.

The girl has been watching him and says: "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says: "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"

"Easy..." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says: "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl replies:...

"...Didn't feel a thing."

To be or not to be... bearded

to listen to wife or girlfriend? A dilemma which can lead to divorce!

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice..

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.

That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

Monday, March 19, 2012

Ah Cheap Kor is already campaigning unfairly

It is easy to say 'boycott MSM' but living in a country and not knowing what is happening isn't good for our knowledge before we form our opinions. So, despite knowing the propaganda being spread through mainstream media by BN, I normally watch Nightline on TV3. But last night was tortuous, having to listening to Najib's cheap shots at Pakatan and Anwar in particular. It was blatant unfair campaigning using government machinery, well before the announcement of a date for the GE, and definitely not within campaign period as there is none yet. What are the Election Commissioners doing with such unfair and overt actions by the incumbent PM and DPM?


Digi did give me problems

Got a message on Sunday morning at 7.12 am (Digi is a nuisance where this is concerned, waking people up for all kinds of other unsolicited messages as well) with a message: "Your prepaid card will be restricted tomorrow. Reload to stay connected." Isn't this clear enough that restriction begins the next day?

I was with wife and daughter in Amcorp Mall on Sunday. Met an old school senior (84) and chatted in a mamak shop. Later another school senior who knew my late brother, with his friend, joined us. Old Sek Kong was considerate enough in telling me to go and look for my wife. As I walked around the usual stalls of the flea market looking for them, I met a friend, ex-singer Timmy Koong and again, had a chat. Finally, found wife in Ka Fei Dian, complaining they had been calling me many times without success. It was only then I realized that 'Emergency calls only' was shown on my phone. I could accept the fact that I could not make calls (other than the wrong notice mentioned above) but not even receive calls? Has there been a change in Digi service?

Update: The 'Emergency calls only' is definitely different from the past when a prepaid customer could expect to receive calls, and able to reload using the same sim card in the phone. I tried to call my own number from our fixed line as well as using the cell phone to call for reload like before, without success. I had to call 016 2991800 and follow the recorded instructions which included keying in my number to be reloaded, followed by the re-load number and told to wait for 10 minutes. It so happened, no sign of sms message to inform me of reload success. So I tried by switching off the phone and on it again, and only then I got it done, with info that I had 20 missed calls!

The other thing to note about Digi is that what used to be Rm10 reload for 5-day internet access is now only for 2 days (Rm5 a day)! For Rm30, one gets 10 days which work out at Rm3 a day. This is for the purpose of calculating the extra costs when there was TMnet service breakdown.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

How China deals with illegally parked cars

If you parked next to a fire hydrant, in case of fire...

Do you get the hint with these garbage around your car?

Or do you need this heavy hint?

Still don't get it? How about this?

As a last resort... this will definitely get through to you!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Moses and his antics


Why we cannot believe everything in the net...

The following picture is just one of many in a list forwarded to me. Having seen this picture, would you believe the rest of the information? It could have been just the mistake of the person who compiled this specific list and not the originator of the 'Did you know' series, but assuming this to be the case, there is still the danger of forwarding mistakes, especially with own comment (like what I am doing now)...
If this is India, then where is Africa? The last I knew, USA did not appear to look like this!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Has Tmnet reached saturation point?

For the past few months, I had experienced connection problems with Tmnet every few weeks, each time it lasted from a few hours to 1-2 days, sometimes even more. Are we asking too much if we were to expect uninterrupted service for a much longer period?

Sometimes, it coincided with a major political event like Umno General Assembly or PM Najib's visit to Perak. Anything to do with bandwidth which IT people used to bandy about? If so, then it is also possible that Tmnet has already reached saturation point based on its current capacity and inevitably some customers had to be sacrificed now and again. Assuming my guess is right, and even if wrong, the fact that we are denied service for a number of days in a month (which can easily be confirmed from our reports), I think TM should consider giving us rebates for the affected days. This should be stated in their Customer Service Charter (if there is one), if not already mentioned. If there is no such commitment to provide high standard of service, then it is time to consider having one.

Each time there was service interruption, my mind would think of migrating to another service provider (thank God there are others), but then again, it is a case of dealing with the devil I know and the angel I do not know. At my age, some are more into taking risks, while others like me would rather put up with crappy service until my patience wears out.

From a conspiracy point, there is a real possibility that internet service providers controlled by BN could be used to interrupt service during crucial campaigning before the next General Election. Can we be blamed for being cynical with our government, especially with the never ending shenanigans by political leaders reported daily?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Story of how pets were created for Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.

And the cat...

didn't give a shit one way or the other.

A simple test to see if you're normal like me...

and not a doctor!

Rearrange the letters below to spell out an important part of the human body;
which is even more useful when erect. Then scroll down further for the answer.


The two people who wrote SPINE became doctors...

The rest are all NORMAL; and they are my friends!

While we are on the subject... or something related to it...

Ever wonder if certain famous brands were to manufacture and/or sell condoms, how they will look?