Briefly, I have heard her said that she wanted her daughter to learn piano and ballet so that in case she has the chance in future of knowing a rich guy, at least she would be 'up to standard' and based on this view alone, I had my doubts about her priorities. In the first place, being rich is not equivalent to being of a good upbringing with all the virtues but here again, it depends on our personal preferences and values and who am I to give moral judgment? I always give an example of someone who got off from a luxurious Merc and as soon as he gets out of the car, muttered 'tiu nah seng'!
Actually, I have been pointing out to her how the British (if we agree on their system of education) have long discovered that pre-school should be a period of play and learn and not of ensuring that they know what would be taught at school because it would have the effect of knowing too much and getting bored at school which is even worse! I still remember my wife telling Lucy (Montessori trained) to just speak to Cheng in English because she was looked after by a Cantonese speaking family. Unfortunately, when asked recently, Lucy confided that she gave up Montessori teaching simply because the parents did not appreciate and they were not willing to pay higher fees. So to meet their demands, it meant making sure that they know more than others in other kindergartens!
Anyway, to sum up, this young mother would personally teach her daughter (sometimes, with a cane in hand) the day before a test so that she could get good results, but the poor girl seemed unable to and had to face the wrath of her mother, thus starting a vicious circle.
The Story (author unknown, but even if fictional, it serves as a lesson to some)
4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable of taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy.
So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket!
Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet; hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
A year has passed since the episode; I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy...
Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!
Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and it's Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers...but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.
His answer, amidst his sobbing, was: The letters were for Mummy. My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: "But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: "I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say..... I told my son, "Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn't help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
And one of the letters broke my heart....
Dear Mummy,
I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again.
Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason.
Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face.
Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appear?
After reading the letter, I can’t stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
Advice (not sure if by the same person or someone who forwarded the story):
For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Give Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.
For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, ‘cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business or clients. Try thinking this way; are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? Or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.
Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.
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