That is according to the USA statistics. But it can jolly well become real in our more conservative society, especially with today's women who are liberated, financially independent, with a lust for travel and to experience new things. Gone are the days of old where the institution of marriage comes with vows of 'till death do us part' and 'for better or worse'. These days, 'selfishness' comes before caring for the spouse.
Part of a song lyrics comes to my mind: '...two less lonely people in the world... tonight...' and I wonder how many people who are together, because of circumstances and their reluctance to make a break, but feel lonely just the same!
Counsellors generally advise the parties to be cool and not make rash decisions. But if one party is stubborn and has already made up his or her mind, nothing can change the final result.
I read the following article in The Sunday Star and tried to get it online. But it is easier searching the web using the title and author's name!
...But Smith is himself 55, and his parents are in their eighties. Was that not, I inquire tactfully, a little late in life to look for pastures new?
“I think so, yes, in that this is the time of life when they actually need each other,” he says. “But there is also an intolerance that comes with age. My mother and my father wanted different things in terms of where they wanted to live, and in the end they decided not to compromise. A lot of people of their age lead increasingly separate lives — separate bedrooms and so on. But they needed more. There’s independence of spirit there, but selfishness too...
“One of the reasons I hung on was that I had a very powerful husband, and having married young I didn’t see myself as an individual. It took me a long time to imagine a life of my own,” she says. “In the end the unhappiness becomes so great that you are prepared to sacrifice 40 years for it. It’s very sad, because that’s 40 years of history. If you divorce after 15 years, you can do it all again, get married again, maybe have more children. But after 40, you don’t have as much time. It’s sad for grown-up children, and complicated for grandchildren. But you just can’t go on.”
In his novel Immortality, Milan Kundera poses a difficult question. If, after death, you were given the chance of another turn, another spin on earth, and you were given the opportunity to have the same life partner for another 40 years, would you? It’s a tough one, because even in the happiest marriages, people do wonder.
And when you’re nearing your own mortality in a long and unhappy marriage, increasing numbers of people do more than wonder.
Link
Why old people divorce
Excerpts:
...But Smith is himself 55, and his parents are in their eighties. Was that not, I inquire tactfully, a little late in life to look for pastures new?
“I think so, yes, in that this is the time of life when they actually need each other,” he says. “But there is also an intolerance that comes with age. My mother and my father wanted different things in terms of where they wanted to live, and in the end they decided not to compromise. A lot of people of their age lead increasingly separate lives — separate bedrooms and so on. But they needed more. There’s independence of spirit there, but selfishness too...
“One of the reasons I hung on was that I had a very powerful husband, and having married young I didn’t see myself as an individual. It took me a long time to imagine a life of my own,” she says. “In the end the unhappiness becomes so great that you are prepared to sacrifice 40 years for it. It’s very sad, because that’s 40 years of history. If you divorce after 15 years, you can do it all again, get married again, maybe have more children. But after 40, you don’t have as much time. It’s sad for grown-up children, and complicated for grandchildren. But you just can’t go on.”
In his novel Immortality, Milan Kundera poses a difficult question. If, after death, you were given the chance of another turn, another spin on earth, and you were given the opportunity to have the same life partner for another 40 years, would you? It’s a tough one, because even in the happiest marriages, people do wonder.
And when you’re nearing your own mortality in a long and unhappy marriage, increasing numbers of people do more than wonder.
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