Bertrand Russell said envy is one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. It is a universal and most unfortunate aspect of human nature because not only is the envious person rendered unhappy, he also wishes to inflict misfortune on others.
Although envy is generally seen as something negative, it can nonetheless be a driving force for man to perform better or improve himself.
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are often envious of others or they believe others are envious of him or her. Aristotle defined ‘envy’ as pain caused by the good fortune of others.
‘Envy’ and ‘jealousy’ are often used interchangeably, but in their correct usage, the words stand for two different and distinct emotions. Jealousy is the fear of losing a loved one to a rival, while envy is the frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have.
Envy typically involves two persons, and jealousy involves three. “Thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s wife, slaves or donkey” is the seventh Commandment delivered by Moses. In Islam, envy (hassad in Arabic) can destroy one’s good deeds and therefore, one must be content with what God has given by saying Maashallah (God has willed it).
According to the Buddha, “Mind is the forerunner of states of existence. Mind is chief, and (those states) are caused by the mind. If one speaks and acts with a pure mind, surely happiness will follow like one’s own shadow!”
In Buddhism, the third of the Four Noble Truths states “to eliminate suffering, eliminate craving.” Thus, its teachings establish happiness as beyond material and emotional possession, and attainable only through an attentive practice by which craving and aversion are extinguished.
Bertrand Russell’s 14 steps
First you must know how to conquer unhappiness.
1. Don’t be taken in by melancholy
Melancholy is only a passing mood; don’t mistake it for wisdom. Prolonged sadness can lead to mental depression, a sickness associated with suicidal tendency. You must believe that you can change your mood simply by doing something different – play a game or talk to a good friend for diversion.
2. Don't get caught in the competitive treadmill
Life is always a struggle. You compete in school, in university and at work … always wanting to do better and making more money. You really do not need so much to be happy. You must know when to stop chasing material possessions and learn to be contented. You cannot be happy if you are still greedy for more and more.
Feeling happy is the only true success. Don’t work so hard until you forget how to be happy.
3. Develop the right attitude to boredom and excitement
Everyone has a natural fear of boredom. That is why one always has the urge to find things to do. Very few people can just sit down, do nothing and simply enjoy peace and tranquility (but give it a try!). Do not fear a little boredom for a certain amount of boredom in life is to be expected.
The opposite of boredom is excitement but be careful in seeking it. Incidentally, there is a recent news report from Australia that the easy availability of Viagra and other stimulants has raised the level of sexual activity amongst senior citizens (that is, those over 75) to exceptional levels of excitement. Just imagine that. Excitement is best sought in small doses and in the right places.
4. Make your worries concrete, don’t suppress them
Get a sense of perspective. Ask yourself “what is the worst thing that can possibly happen?” For example if your doctor tells you that your disease is incurable, you must realise that worry will not make you better. The best you can do is to find enjoyment every day for whatever life you have left.
On the other hand though, when you have a difficult problem, do not suppress it because it will not go away by itself. Face it, grapple with it and try to find a way to resolve it. Do what you can and believe that it will be alright when the time comes. Remember! Prolonged worrying can cause mental depression.
5. Don’t envy, admire!
Since I have already touched on envy and jealousy at the start of my talk, I only wish to add this: Enjoy what you have for its own sake. Don’t compare yourself with others who are more successful than you.
When you are sad, compare yourself with people who are in a worse situation.
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