A Catholic funeral and some memories...

With a mind conscious of ‘Mind your own business’, I almost missed a funeral wake, which took place behind our house.

Recently, I am back to my usual breakfast by myself, with the day’s Star and quite contented doing the Sudoku, which I am able to finish, if given enough time.

I used to walk to town to buy newspapers, either by walking along the main road or take an alternative route past the newer shops. Therefore, what happens even at the back two rows away I may not know unless informed.

I have recently missed a couple of funeral wakes – that of a distant relative and an old friend’s mum in KL, so in a way I am trying to make up for the guilt by spending more time with my local friend’s family. For that, I was asked if I am related!

Anyway, it was a Catholic funeral and it reminds me of the last I attended which was that of my wife’s eldest sister 14 years ago when the four brothers-in-law (myself included) took on the role of pallbearers, at the same St. Joseph Church.

My wife and I used to visit the cemetery twice a year (during Xing Ming as well as All Souls’ Day). My sister-in-law’s grave is next to that of surveyor Teoh’s wife, which is next to his. Few months before he died (in his eighties) two to three years ago, I met him at Mok Yew and he insisted on paying for my ‘pan mee’ and tea!

While waiting for the burial at the back of the church (reason was I realised those born in the year of the Tiger are not supposed to witness, blah, blah, advice from my mother years ago) I walked around and it sure brings back some memories when I saw the row of classrooms which used to be a kindergarten where my daughters attended.

I digressed. Anyway, the night before, I met some old friends and made some new ones.
In fact, at funeral wakes, we might meet some people who we would otherwise not meet, like some local actors. Some years ago, I met this woman (acted as Zhen Min’s mother in The Iron Lady) at my second brother’s funeral, Steve Yap at a nephew’s funeral, and Alan Yun at his grandmother’s.

On the day, I went over as soon as I heard the first sound of music just after 1 pm though the funeral service was scheduled at 3 pm. Well, as a music lover, live music is never boring. I managed to start a conversation with the bassist who happens to be the leader. After mentioning a few musicians that I know of in Ipoh, I was treated like a member and invited to join them! I declined simply because the few bass lines that I know were unsuitable. He never heard of Sultan of Swing and Black Magic Woman, which I did not ask if he knew, did not seem suitable for the occasion. Even rock and roll, he thought it might offend.

To be honest, I was apprehensive of his invitation for future jam sessions given my superstitious upbringing where even a business card can be considered taboo, even though it is well known that death is as certain as income tax. For example, I am mindful of how not to say, ‘see you’ among friends at a funeral as it might suggest there is going to be another funeral soon!

It was a 5-piece band, which reminds me of what Cheng mentioned about the Mexican Mariachi bands with a trumpeter, a saxophonist, drummer, bassist and even an organist.
The drums kit was a stripped down version consisting of a small bass drum (which could be used later for the procession), snare, two bongos, high hat, and cymbal; the bass amp was of 65-watt, and the keyboard was connected to a small amplifier. During the procession, the leader drives his own car while the keyboardist plays the bass drum, the drummer continues with only the snare while the brass players played the melodies. It was all very professional.

These days, the musicians for funerals have heavy bookings unlike before, thanks to the ‘package deals’, which are getting popular and being recession-proofed, the funeral directors are laughing all the way to the bank while others grieve. At a guess, the package would include coffin, hearse, tents, tables and chairs, food and drinks for a couple of nights, musicians, and even 2 traffic policemen to direct traffic during the procession. Any item to be crossed off would reduce by a much smaller amount, so that the whole package would seem ideal.

The Chinese has this ‘pantang’ or superstition that the price of coffin should not be bargained, which is to the advantage of the coffin shop. My wife had this experience of being told, ‘this model I charge so and so (a well known Tan Sri’s father) Rm10,000 but I charge only Rm2,800 to so and so, and I am offering it to your father for Rm2,400.’ It seems he got a surprise when asked for the name of the deceased, which meant he would have charged more if he knew!

But we must not forget that organizing the various items for a funeral requires more people who know what to do, otherwise it can be chaotic as the grieving members of the deceased have rites to follow most of the time.

At the going rate, most ordinary folks think that it is getting too expensive to die these days. Just read there is this kind lady who offers free coffin to some poor folks in an old folks’ home. Her initial offer of 60 was increased to 100 even though they have not been fully taken up!
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