CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - Random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a Financial Genius.
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period where the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband commutes by bus to work.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - Percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
STANDARD AND POORS - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stocks.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex wife/husband and her/his lawyer split your assets equally among themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - Someone whose phone has just been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASHFLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2011 - What you jump out off if you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Last year's investor who's now locked up in an asylum.
PROFIT - An archaic word now no longer in use.
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