Apt signs...

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

I didn't get it the first time. Read the last three words without pausing.