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After attending a few wedding dinners recently, I have been noting the pros and cons of each function, just in case I am put in the position as host, though it is not so soon. As the Cantonese saying goes, ‘sap phit, tu mou yat phit’ or literally, ‘out of 10 strokes of the brush, not even one stroke yet’. I like to imagine myself as an event manager rather than playing host myself. If possible, a virtual one.

Now, karaoke sessions during dinners, are relegated to more ‘chinaman’ types, or more likely, to be found in smaller towns and villages. However, a good host in a city venue can still have it with taste by careful selection of singers and songs, and not ‘free for all’. Basically, it is good to have a limited number of suitable songs and the sound system must be good to the extent that it can be clear yet not too loud.

Live bands might be interesting to youngsters but too noisy to most, older folks, unless they play ‘unplugged’. Jazz bands and traditional Chinese musicians are getting popular. Some even opt for classical singers.

Well, it is difficult to cater for all, so complaints are unavoidable. Unless decision is clearly left to either the parents or the bride or groom, disputes are likely in terms of the selection of music and how it should be organized.

In the case of parents who happen to be ex-entertainers, there is also the question of whether he or she should perform at the son’s or daughter’s wedding dinner. Well, in my opinion, as I have always felt, life is like acting out different roles in different situations. They are already in their special roles as hosts, so any popular demand for a performance, should just be one short and sweet number and leave the guests wanting for more! It should not outshine the event itself. But one thing, for sure, the generation gap is very real indeed. What the old man thinks is suitable is likely to be not, to the young man.

These days, unless restaurants are booked well in advance (as early as one year), some opted for wedding lunch instead. This is because of the insistence on having a particular restaurant’s good food. There is also the argument as to whether the venue or the food, which is more important. Some people prefer the ambience or the classy setup in a club or hotel banquet hall, knowing full well that the food is more costly yet unlikely to be as good as a specialist restaurant. They quite rightly put it that it is the occasion, which demands a good setting. Delicious food can be had on other occasions. I know of someone who insisted that food is paramount, whatever the occasion!

In some cases, both families decide to host at the same venue. Just the other day, someone commented that it is not advisable as there is always the possibility of angpows given to the wrong host! How to get it back?

I have attended one with two caterers, one from Batu Gajah and the other from Tronoh. The better one obviously catered for the host family and relatives and closer friends. If you happened to be in the other group, it is difficult not to feel slighted!

It is disappointing indeed to hear of complaints that catering staff of clubs and hotel restaurants are found to be dishonest in that they steal expensive alcoholic drinks. I have personally come across waiters who were slow in serving yet as soon as the dinner was over, they were quick to announce that all the drinks were finished! To overcome this problem, management should allow hosts the option to serve their own drinks. What good is company policy when they cannot ensure proper security?

One easy way out is to do what someone in Batu Gajah did, and that is to toast with champagne for the host table only! The guests were either provided with soft drinks and Chinese tea only, while alcoholic drinks had to be purchased individually from the hotel F&B ala British receptions, which is also the norm in hotel functions. Face-saving hosts would take the trouble to arrange for alcoholic drinks to be provided. Chinese usually have the mindset that if you want to play host, do it properly and not skimp.

One point, which most people agree on, is that the dinner function should be limited in size. Of course, politicians and businessmen, are known to host exceptionally big number of tables – a hundred or more! It is quite meaningless when the size of it means the host families cannot attend to each and everyone in toasting. One solution is to let the groom invite his friends while the parents invite only close relatives.

But then again, even close relatives are relative in terms of relationship. I have come across siblings not inviting each other for any occasion. Therefore, the old mentality of having to invite all relatives across the board seems irrelevant these days. My father believed that such occasions are best to keep in touch with relatives who were out of touch for years. But even my generation will think: if there were nothing in common, why bother?

If we consider the comments relating to angpows, then we should invite only those who are really sincere in wanting to attend. Much as we can state that there is no need for angpows, just come, ‘face’ will ensure the practice to continue for years to come. I really cannot stand certain people who said that angpows are like ‘saman’ yet would complain to friends that they looked down on him for not inviting.

Some better-organized dinners have prior seating arrangements and unless it is well backed up by efficient persons, it is likely to be unnecessary hassle and waste of time. Even with the best of intentions, the hosts cannot possibly think of who shall seat with who, in every case.

A relation’s wedding dinner was held at a better hotel in Ipoh. A local State Assemblyman was arranged to seat with other Pusing folks. Then when he noticed some MCA colleagues, he naturally asked to be seated with them instead. At another function, an amang factory owner told his host that they would seat according to their own arrangement because two of their fellow association members would rather be seated far apart!

There was once when someone in Batu Gajah had the dinner a hotel in Ipoh. To make it convenient for the guests, he arranged for chartered buses but made the big mistake of having the guests to pay for the fare!

After all that, I am none the wiser as there is no clear-cut formula to organizing a wedding function. Hopefully, when the time comes, my children will remain realistic and make do with minimum fuss, low cost and convenient to everybody. It depends also on their partners and their families!