Reversed psychology

If you want a teenager to do something, prohibit him from doing so. Or, if you want a teenager not to do something, encourage him!

I have a few musically talented nephews who have been discouraged by their parents from pursuing their interest. From my personal experience, if one is interested in music, nothing can change it, not even time, over many years.

In my thirties, my love for drumming led me to this tutor, Robert Phillips in Sentul. But, as usual, my recalcitrant nature did not let me practise as told. After some basic lessons, I decided to learn by ear. Unless, one is truly talented, learning by ear means there is a limit as to how well one can play. For example, it is almost impossible to play in an orchestra as they follow music scripts.

My low budget musical instruments were purchased over 10 years. I started with a drums kit, followed by an electric guitar and 15-watt amplifier, keyboard, bass guitar and 30-watt amplifier. The amps were upgraded to a vintage Marshall 100-watt which can serve 2 guitars. The powered mixer was the last (?) addition recently.

The reason for the ? was that there can be no complete set-up as each jam session involves different people and inevitably someone will ask for something which is not available. Like my recent jam with Joe, Joseph and Dr. Lim, there were songs which Joseph would like to play as rhythm guitarist and I had only one electric guitar. I have bought tambourine and maracas from the beginning for just in case, yet someone might ask for a shaker!

Parents usually encourage their children to learn the piano which is certainly the most acceptable musical instrument. The reason why parents object to their children playing guitars is simply because of bad image as shown by well known band members. The Beatlemania era of long hair, grass and free love had left behind long lasting impression on us. Though the hairdo now can be short or even bald, hallucinatory grass has been replaced by more potent designer drugs like Ecstasy.

The surprising thing was the parents these days were from the Beatnik days of yesteryears! Yet, they are behaving like their own parents before, controlling their children “for their own good”! Little did they realize that the more they prevent them from doing it, the more interested they become.

At home, the parents can discourage by not letting them own a guitar but later gave in by letting them have one. Without their parents’ knowledge they are likely to discuss and learn with friends. One fine day, to the parents’ pleasant surprise, it was discovered that their child could play guitar well! They were allowed, in fact, even encouraged to perform at family functions, and that’s about all.

Meanwhile, uncle like me, seems like a bad influence as the young musicians are attracted to my studio. After having been hinted as such, I refrained from asking any of them to join in any of my jam sessions. The truth was, even without this bad influence, they have been secretly jamming overseas!

For the second statement in my introduction, my three children are perfect examples! All of them were given a chance to learn the piano. My son was put off when once I laughed at his “Oh Susanna”. Cheng was put off by my wife’s disciplinary approach. Her shouting at her using her Mandarin name still makes her shudder to this day. Nee was put off by my encouraging her to make use of the instruments I have, particularly the drums.

So the irony of it all is that, with my fairly well-equipped studio, none of my children is interested in it! Yet other parents tried so hard to prevent their children from going near it!