Fear of flying... the reason

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner were seated, waiting for the pilot to show up so they could get on the way.

The pilot and co-pilot finally appeared in the rear of the plane and began walking up to the cockpit through the centre aisle. Both appeared to be blind. The pilot was using a white cane, and bumping into passengers, right and left, as he stumbled down the aisle. The co-pilot was using a guide dog. Both men were wearing sunglasses.

At first, the passengers did not react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines started revving, and the airplane began moving down the runway. The passengers looked at each other with some uneasiness. They started whispering amongst themselves, and looked desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

The plane began to accelerate rapidly, and people began panicking. Some passengers began praying, as the plane got closer and closer to the end of the runway. The passengers became hysterical, and when the plane had less than twenty feet of runway left, everyone screamed at once. At that moment, the plane lifted off and became airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathed a sigh of relief and said to the pilot, "You know, one of these days they aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

My father's 1928 Austin 7

The legacy my late father left behind from his ownership of a 1928 Austin 7, registration No. B 2405, is a silver cup presented by Borneo Motors Ltd on 21st July 1952 and some pictures which I have yet to find, among my increasing pile of papers and documents.

I can still remember back in the ‘60s when I used to see an Indian man admiring our neglected car. One day, he managed to convince my father, for Rm500, to sell to him with his promise to him of a pre-emption right to buy back later, that is, only if he were to sell!

Out of the blue, we received in the post, pictures of the car in various stages of restoration and his descriptions on the back of those pictures.

Fond memories include once, my eldest brother showed us how he could accelerate without touching the pedal. Actually, there was a lever on the steering wheel which acted as accelerator too! Sometimes, he needed to use a crank to start the engine. He also liked to switch off the engine to run on its own momentum to save fuel! Those were the days.

Fast forward 20 years, in the early ‘80s, I got to know one of our tenants, Mari, a keen collector and restorer of vintage cars. He happened to know Mr. Peters and his Austin 7. A mutual friend, David, later told me that his son is the famous guitarist, Alex Peters! It was another 20 years later that I got to listen to Alex’s demo at Bentley in Jalan Bukit Bintang. Pity, we did not stay until he finished and I did not have a chance to talk about it.

Keen collectors can be crafty too, maybe because of their obsession. Somehow, after Peters’ demise, Mari managed to exchange a newer vintage car for the Austin 7. Alex is probably more into Fenders and Hofners than Austin 7 or Morris 8. Mari’s workshop was just below and next to our office and I got to see him working on restoring the car.

A car scrapyard dealer used to complain that Mari cheated him of a registration card which he later used for one of his vintage cars!

Anyway, back to our Austin 7. One day, I was surprised to see on television, the car on display at the old Subang Airport where there was a Motor show!

At the moment, I have no idea where the car is, as Mari has passed on few years ago, nor who owns it.

For sentimental reasons, I am hanging on to the cup and some old photos. Even with pre-emption right then, I could not afford to buy back the car as I reckoned it was worth at least Rm100,000!

Selfish conditional love

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO eat grass."

Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you!"

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

Selfless unconditional love

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On examining, found it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health.

He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said." She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

Licence to provoke

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, but when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So I called him another not so pleasant name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care, because I had come into town by bus, and it wasn't my car. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired, and my doctor says that it's important at my age.

Seriously, while on the subject of parking ticket, Penang's old system of attendants issuing parking tickets should provide for those who come from out of town.

Recently, at Gurney Drive, it was past 10pm and was too late to pay Rm1.20 parking fees. I had the option of paying by cheque or face Rm10 penalty which can be increased to Rm30 and so on. Then on a short visit, I had a 30 sen ticket and the attendant was no where to be seen. There is no question of unwillingness to pay but where to pay if they cannot be found? Waste precious petrol going round looking for them and get lost in the process?