A doctor with excellent English and sense of humour

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again n give you another opinion..
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He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years Before he realized she was Chinese.
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Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
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While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
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Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
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One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"
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I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."
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My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring."
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Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
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When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places.
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You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, Then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

(I'm afraid most of today's students would not be able to discern the jokes.)
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The Ant and the Contact Lens

'Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You.'

The true story...

Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb.. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens. 'Great', she thought. 'Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry.' She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.

She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying.. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.'

She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.'

Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
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Majlis, Majlis (MDBG), wherefore art thou?

Just came back from the BG District Council, to seek clarification from a letter from them concerning my earlier complaint about my neighbour's vegetable patch and oil drum in front of our house.

A lady enforcement officer reconfirmed that because it did not cause any obstruction, they cannot do anything about it. When asked why my neighbour could plant in front of our house and not theirs, she said they have cemented the place (for parking their precious cars as can be seen in the picture)! Where does that leave us? As decent folks, we would never park our cars in front of their house, let alone plant anything in front of their house. As I have posted earlier http://kosongcafe.blogspot.com/2012/01/cny-greetings-from-our-neighbour.html , in our absence, our bougainvilla was cut down and of course, we have no evidence except the dried plant as can be seen in the above picture. Students of SM Sultan Yussuf who parked their cars in front of their house were given 'summons'!

Asked about the oil drum which is collecting water which might breed Aedes mosquitoes and infect people with Dengue, I was told to complain at the local Health Department. I went straight from MDBG to the Health Department to complain and was told that unless they found larvae, again they cannot do anything about it! In other words, does it mean the Health Ministry cannot be proactive but will only act when there is a case reported, to fog the area?



The lessons I have learned from this is that people who are shameless can do what they like to public places right in your face and the local government cannot do anything about it. If we follow rules of the law and refrain from doing anything tit-for-tat, such thick-skinned people can get away from it. Why do I get the feeling I am in the same position as the opposition when dealing with BN government?

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Facts stranger than fiction

A man went to the hospital in Cooktown, Queensland to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket. She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:
- Having your girl friend find out you're married.
- Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
OR
- Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.






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Difference in logic between man and woman

Milk and eggs

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband,

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

(If you're female, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Males will get it the first time.)
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