There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed.
The model said "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."
He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps.
"Oh my God!" he whispered urgently, "It's my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!"
Government fed by the people
Career options
I suggest government... because nobody has ever been caught.
Corruption so prevalent it affects English language?
Corruption is so prevalent it affects English language?
When there's too much dirt...
We need better tools... to cover up mega corruptions.
Prevent bullying now!
If you're not going to speak up, how is the world supposed to know you exist? “Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit, tapi selama ia tidak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah.” - Ananta Prameodya Toer (Your intellect may soar to the sky but if you do not write, you will be lost from society and to history.)
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
A day trip to Pangkor Island
On Monday, May 1 being a public holiday, we decided to visit Pangkor Island.
Unlike those from afar, it took just over an hour’s drive to Lumut, where we parked for the first time, at the spanking new multi-storey carpark operated by Majlis Perbandaran Manjung.
We read the handwritten notice outside the cashier’s window stating it costs 40 sen for the first hour and so on and was pleasantly surprised when the cashier mentioned, for today, it is only 30 sen per hour, and first hour is free! This is definitely the way to go for a local council to attract business.
It was a pleasant start to our day trip to Pangkor Island. On our way to the jetty, we noticed modern looking structures all round, a vast difference from the old shops and stalls. A man asked if we were going to Pangkor and he offered a discounted return ticket at Rm8 instead of Rm10 for each person. To reassure us, he gave us a calling card too.
Instead of only one ferry operator, now there are a few: the original Pansilver, Duta Pangkor and Mesra Feri. The last one suggests cheeky management because the slogan on their ferries show ‘Naik Selalu’!
When we were in the air-conditioned ferry, I realized what a bargain it was for Rm8 return. We noticed the ferries stopped taking or dropping passengers at Sg. Pinang Kecil (or Keling Wan to the locals). Upon arriving at the main jetty, we were surprised at the crowd! Jam-packed waiting to board, all the way to the entrance of the building, making it difficult for disembarking passengers to pass through.
What a difference a day made! Most of those people have luggages, suggesting they have just checked out. It seems all the hotels and chalets were fully booked from Friday to Sunday. Even the taxis had exceptional business during the long weekend.
We were lucky to be on a day trip at the tail end of the chaotic period. While walking around, a minibus offered to take us and we got another good deal for Rm1.50 each all the way to Teluk Nipah!
We placed out the mat which we had brought along and tried to read the newspapers. Soon we dozed off. Shortly after, I was awake just to make sure nobody tried to snatch my wife’s handbag! Always thinking of security.
After enjoying the sea breeze, we decided to have a cup of tea. Then we looked around the shops to see what they have to offer the tourists. We walked all over the place, checking out hotels and chalets for future visits. To our pleasant surprise, a few hornbills appeared, looking for food. We managed to get fairly close to two young birds, judging from their smaller beaks and ‘horns’. They were quite used to humans and we were told, around 4 pm, they would be looking for food offered by the locals.
When we were ready to leave, we tried to stop passing taxis but the drivers kept pointing us to the taxi stand. Later, we realized that they have a queue system! The journey back to the jetty was comparatively expensive, at Rm10 for two. But we have no complaints, having been lucky earlier!
For the return ferry journey, we had to wait about half an hour because of the few passengers.
Back at the car park, for about 6 hours, we were charged only Rm1.50! We just couldn’t get over the offer. On the way, we saw cars parked out in the open and which we were sure they had to pay much more. If only they knew!
For dinner, we tried a new route to Kg. Koh but ended up in Kg. Cina! It was not because we could not find Kg. Koh but we found a row of restaurants and we were tempted to try one. For a ‘ikan bawal putih’ steamed Teochew style, a sizzling plate of ‘o-chian’ and a stir-fried vegetable, the bill came to only Rm42!
So ‘cuti cuti Malaysia’ can be cheap for the budget conscious.
How are we going to get used to a holiday in UK this July?
Unlike those from afar, it took just over an hour’s drive to Lumut, where we parked for the first time, at the spanking new multi-storey carpark operated by Majlis Perbandaran Manjung.
We read the handwritten notice outside the cashier’s window stating it costs 40 sen for the first hour and so on and was pleasantly surprised when the cashier mentioned, for today, it is only 30 sen per hour, and first hour is free! This is definitely the way to go for a local council to attract business.
It was a pleasant start to our day trip to Pangkor Island. On our way to the jetty, we noticed modern looking structures all round, a vast difference from the old shops and stalls. A man asked if we were going to Pangkor and he offered a discounted return ticket at Rm8 instead of Rm10 for each person. To reassure us, he gave us a calling card too.
Instead of only one ferry operator, now there are a few: the original Pansilver, Duta Pangkor and Mesra Feri. The last one suggests cheeky management because the slogan on their ferries show ‘Naik Selalu’!
When we were in the air-conditioned ferry, I realized what a bargain it was for Rm8 return. We noticed the ferries stopped taking or dropping passengers at Sg. Pinang Kecil (or Keling Wan to the locals). Upon arriving at the main jetty, we were surprised at the crowd! Jam-packed waiting to board, all the way to the entrance of the building, making it difficult for disembarking passengers to pass through.
What a difference a day made! Most of those people have luggages, suggesting they have just checked out. It seems all the hotels and chalets were fully booked from Friday to Sunday. Even the taxis had exceptional business during the long weekend.
We were lucky to be on a day trip at the tail end of the chaotic period. While walking around, a minibus offered to take us and we got another good deal for Rm1.50 each all the way to Teluk Nipah!
We placed out the mat which we had brought along and tried to read the newspapers. Soon we dozed off. Shortly after, I was awake just to make sure nobody tried to snatch my wife’s handbag! Always thinking of security.
After enjoying the sea breeze, we decided to have a cup of tea. Then we looked around the shops to see what they have to offer the tourists. We walked all over the place, checking out hotels and chalets for future visits. To our pleasant surprise, a few hornbills appeared, looking for food. We managed to get fairly close to two young birds, judging from their smaller beaks and ‘horns’. They were quite used to humans and we were told, around 4 pm, they would be looking for food offered by the locals.
When we were ready to leave, we tried to stop passing taxis but the drivers kept pointing us to the taxi stand. Later, we realized that they have a queue system! The journey back to the jetty was comparatively expensive, at Rm10 for two. But we have no complaints, having been lucky earlier!
For the return ferry journey, we had to wait about half an hour because of the few passengers.
Back at the car park, for about 6 hours, we were charged only Rm1.50! We just couldn’t get over the offer. On the way, we saw cars parked out in the open and which we were sure they had to pay much more. If only they knew!
For dinner, we tried a new route to Kg. Koh but ended up in Kg. Cina! It was not because we could not find Kg. Koh but we found a row of restaurants and we were tempted to try one. For a ‘ikan bawal putih’ steamed Teochew style, a sizzling plate of ‘o-chian’ and a stir-fried vegetable, the bill came to only Rm42!
So ‘cuti cuti Malaysia’ can be cheap for the budget conscious.
How are we going to get used to a holiday in UK this July?
Monday, May 01, 2006
Outrageous request
A naïve and nerdy Malaysian tourist on his first visit to London, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks away quickly.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Johan. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away too!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time,but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry.
And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over to Johan and says that she's the best in the house and she, herself, is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits on his lap. And then Johan leans forward and whispers in her ear, .......... "Can I pay in Malaysian Ringgit?"
He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!
Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks away quickly.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Johan. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away too!
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time,but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry.
And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.
So she goes over to Johan and says that she's the best in the house and she, herself, is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits on his lap. And then Johan leans forward and whispers in her ear, .......... "Can I pay in Malaysian Ringgit?"
Creating big but leaving a 'dip' impression
Abdul grew up in Kota Baru, a town located on the East Coast of Malaysia, and then moved away to Kuala Lumpur to do his law degree in order to fill up the Bumiputera quota.
He decided to come back to Kota Baru, because he could be a big man and really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Abdul picked up the phone.
He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in Kuala Lumpur that I won't settle this case for less than one million ringgit.
Yes. Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay?
Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Abdul rattled instructions.
Finally, Abdul put down the phone and turned to the man.
"I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from Telekom, I've come to connect your line".
He decided to come back to Kota Baru, because he could be a big man and really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.
As the man came to the door, Abdul picked up the phone.
He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in Kuala Lumpur that I won't settle this case for less than one million ringgit.
Yes. Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay?
Tell the State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Abdul rattled instructions.
Finally, Abdul put down the phone and turned to the man.
"I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from Telekom, I've come to connect your line".
God is watching?
A burglar broke into a house one night.He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed.. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed.. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."
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