Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean Play.
The first little boy was to say "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope"
The second little boy was to reply by saying "Hark! a pistol shot"
Well on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups.
The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. Well, the curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.
And so the first boy yelled out these unforgettable words........................
"My fair maiden....I have come to kiss your snatch!... and fill your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out..."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shit, a pot of shit, horse shit, cow shit, bull shit, aw shit..I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway... "
The audience left howling ... " Who said Theatre is Dead ? "
Government fed by the people
Career options
I suggest government... because nobody has ever been caught.
Corruption so prevalent it affects English language?
Corruption is so prevalent it affects English language?
When there's too much dirt...
We need better tools... to cover up mega corruptions.
Prevent bullying now!
If you're not going to speak up, how is the world supposed to know you exist? “Orang boleh pandai setinggi langit, tapi selama ia tidak menulis, ia akan hilang di dalam masyarakat dan dari sejarah.” - Ananta Prameodya Toer (Your intellect may soar to the sky but if you do not write, you will be lost from society and to history.)
Monday, March 06, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
The problem with other's driving
One morning, while driving to work, I looked over to my left, and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac, doing 65 mph, with her face up next to her rear view mirror! She was putting on her eyeliner!!!
I looked away for a couple seconds, and when I looked back, she was halfway over into my lane, and still working on her makeup!!!
Shit!! As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked my donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, I knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!!
I looked away for a couple seconds, and when I looked back, she was halfway over into my lane, and still working on her makeup!!!
Shit!! As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked my donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, I knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!!
Saturday, March 04, 2006
How to use your ATM card at hen party
The other day, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again.
My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the $50.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home. . .
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again.
My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the $50.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home. . .
Fishy trip
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! please pack my new blue silk pajamas."The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies, "I did, they were in your tacklebox........."
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! please pack my new blue silk pajamas."The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replies, "I did, they were in your tacklebox........."
The reality of marriage
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
She says, "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
She says, "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
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