Death is certain but Divorce is not...

Marital problems seem common these days, judging from the many articles, statements and letters about the subject. Many married couples appear to be happily married but beneath the facade, there must be many who are unhappy over many issues, and divorce must have been contemplated now and again. Men and women are likely to have differing views simply because of being of different sex, brought up according to different social backgrounds having different customs, traditions, social norms and expectations.

What I can offer is some insight into a man's psyche on man-woman relationships. Just watching some Chinese period serials on television would give us an idea of how women used to be taken for granted, by grandparents, parents and brothers. Polygamy was expected and accepted, even by women. So we can imagine how a man could womanize without giving any thought to how his wife would feel. It was an open secret then that the so-called 'business entertainment' would involve female company and sex. For all the macho display of men in control of situations, how many of them could accept if their wives looked for sex with other men? To a man, the worst is being cuckolded, whether real or imagined. It does not matter whether it is true or not, but if others bitch about it, then the man will feel like the end of the world. If his wife continues to be seen in the company of other men (frequent enough to set tongues wagging) then divorce seems the only way out to avoid being a cuckold or 'wearing the green hat' in Chinese. On the other hand, again to do with 'face', a man might try his best to avoid divorce (as in failure in marriage) thinking that other people are waiting to start gossiping about his failed marriage and the reasons behind it, especially the juicy details (some created to make it more interesting).

Before anyone can consider divorce, he or she has to consider whether it is going to be straight forward or full of acrimony. Having children complicate matters. Many men or women would consider divorce if it is straight forward without having to deal with the past. But how could you avoid your children's weddings, for instance? Financial matters need to be untangled and properties sorted out. I can imagine the hassle of going through it would put off many wannabees. Recent views by women include the following writers:

Mary Schneider said (among other things):

Call me old-fashioned or conservative, but I wouldn’t be able to cope with an open marriage. For example, I couldn’t sit at home watching reruns on the TV while my husband has a dalliance with another woman...

What sort of relationship is that? Even if you’re okay with that sort of set up, you might as well be divorced.

Of course, some couples who have an open marriage still share the same bed. I’m not sure how I could cope with my husband lying next to me reeking of another woman’s duty free perfume, or how I would react to him touching my body with a hand that still holds the warmth of another woman’s body. Or maybe we will become more attracted to each other, simply because others now find us desirable. It’s the old “you don’t know what you’ve got until you’re in danger of losing it” syndrome.

Also, a fling could easily develop into something deep and potentially marriage-threatening. What if my husband were to fall for the cute flight attendant? I can imagine him snuggling up to me in bed one night and saying, “Guess what, darling? I’m in love. I think we need to get a divorce.”...

More:

Mediocrity spells doom

http://thestaronline.com/columnists/story.asp?file=/2011/6/13/columnists/butthenagain/8870220&sec=butthenagain

Paula said :

Quite a number of my friends have gone through painful experiences because they chose to divorce.

A couple must have patience, perseverance, commitment, endurance, tolerance, LOVE and many more traits to be able to live together.

Thanks to Hollywood stars and movies, many may think that when love runs out, it is time to get a divorce. It does not work that way.

To make a marriage work, there has to be effort to sustain love, nurture each other, care etc - the works.

Also, one must not try to change the other to be who he/she wants them to be.

It is being the right partner and being happy, contented and fulfilled...no matter what.

More (with flowchart!):
Think again

http://masterwordsmith-unplugged.blogspot.com/2011/06/think-again.html

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'Facade' is a useful word to test someone's pronunciation

Pronounced as 'fersahd', the word comes from the French word façade which comes from Italian word facciata, from Italian word faccia meaning face...

It means 'face of building, esp. the principal front; hence, frontal appearance of anything (also figuratively).

If you pronounced the word as it is spelled, help is at hand...

Just received this from a friend:

"Google has an app on the Android (on Windows 7, too, I think), that does translation of words you type into other languages. Using this app called Google Translate (in the Android market) to translate the word "askance" found below in the news article, from English into English, you'll be shown the meaning of the word "askance" on screen.

Knowing the meanings of words is helpful, but not when you are unsure of how it is PRONOUNCED. Thus Google Translate.

Besides the displayed meanings of the word is a "microphone speaker icon" and when you click on this icon, it'll go online, to fetch the sounds, and then pronounce or sound it out on your smartphone. Cool huh!!! I always use this Google Translate which is partly a Dictionary to pronounce words that I'm not too sure of. You know, I say poTAto, you say POtato thingy...

I am sure there are other apps that do this, but Google Translate is a free app from the Android Market, and I think you should download it into your Transformer."

I am way behind in new technology gadgets, so I have yet to test it.
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I thought 'This is Celcom Territory' is bad...

(Translation: This is BN village, Opposition cannot enter!!!)

Yet, this is something to be expected of the brainwashing by a ruling coalition since Independence day on August 31, 1957.

We have come across a retired teacher, graduated from a local university, worked overseas a number of years and taught locally until retirement. She accused opposition supporters of having 'closed minds' for not appreciating good things done by BN, but listened to opposition propaganda only! Our immediate reaction was, 'Who is the one having 'closed mind?' Imagine, a well educated person with overseas exposure and yet unable to accept the fact that there are alternative news and views which should be weighed against what is commonly accepted as BN propaganda using mainstream media.
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What motivates a blogger

I think most of us who blog can relate to a greater or lesser extent, Dr. Lim Teck Ghee's observations. Personally, I believe by blogging, I can contribute more than just being a voter. If one vote can help to change a political system, then by voicing my opinions in my own blogsite as well as commenting in better known blogsites and news portals, I can be part of public opinion.

"Today, we see a superheated and hotly contested political environment which needs truthful reporting and analysis more than ever. Bloggers can provide that fair and objective analysis because they are generally their own masters. The great majority of activist bloggers have taken to blogging not because they are paid to do it but because of disenchantment with the system and the desire to share with fellow Malaysians their ideas on how to bring change to the country.

How long can this idealism last? A recent study of motivations for blogging in the United States provides guidance. The researchers found the three strongest initial motivations for blogging — “to let off steam,” “to keep track of your thoughts” and “to formulate new ideas” — were all based on the bloggers’ personal emotional or intellectual needs. In our case in Malaysia, it has been mainly a response to perceived injustices and the bad governance of the establishment that have pushed bloggers to put aside their time and resources to write. For most, it is a solitary undertaking with few rewards except the emotional and intellectual satisfaction that comes with exposing abuses.

But when asked why they’re blogging today, those three foundational motivations either decreased in importance or increased very slightly. In contrast, the extrinsic motivations — notions such as “to serve as a political watchdog” and “to influence public opinion” — saw significant and sizable increases.

“As they continued to blog, and their blog posts reached wider audiences, they realized they could extend influence out to their audience, the media and political parties,” the researchers write (see http://www.miller-mccune.com/media/why-blog-to-change-the-world-and-blow-off-steam-7303/). While their initial motivations did not fade away, this newfound influence provided additional motivation, leading these bloggers to be even more enthusiastic about what they do.

What has been noted in the US is also happening in Malaysia. Reaching out to the larger public and acting as a political watchdog are natural developments. In the process, bloggers have also built a community of bloggers and supporters who share similar values and ideologies – at least in terms of the need to protect and widen the space for democratic values and expression. This community is a precious seedling in Malaysia. It needs nurturing and patience especially since there will be strenuous efforts to divide and destroy the community. Make no mistake about it – winning the internet war has been the priority of the BN since March 2008 – and they will engage in whatever trickery necessary."

Source:
Can bloggers be in solidarity with the media?
Written by Dr Lim Teck Ghee

http://english.cpiasia.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2191:can-bloggers-be-in-solidarity-with-the-media&catid=141:lim-teck-ghees-contribution&Itemid=93

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Ipoh is becoming a fine city

Within a 3-month period, my son, my wife and myself were summoned for parking offences. We do not live in Ipoh: my son lives in Petaling Jaya and we live in Batu Gajah, so our visits to Ipoh were few and far between (we average twice a week which include Sunday market when parking is free!). We are not habitual offenders, just being unlucky for the few times out of necessity (as in being held up for longer than expected) or not being mindful like on Saturday. To us it seemed like a Sunday because my son was with me on Friday (which seemed like Saturday). Just imagine, I parked at the other end of 'Concubine Lane' and walked along it to Kwong Hing coffee shop. I had my bowl of noodles and coffee before I realized about the parking coupon, so I told my son that I will go and check and bring the car round. Barely twenty minutes parking and the summon was already under a wiper.

I still cannot get over being given a ticket a few years ago, for parking opposite Heritage Hotel, Ipoh, on a road off Jalan Tambun between 10pm and 12 midnight! The undoubted efficiency of the parking wardens seems to me that they are on a commission basis. It also reminded me of the time when an OCPD of BG set a quota for his men to issue tickets! Just imagine policemen, like salesmen, looking for 'victims' and meeting 'sales' targets.

I am not complaining about efficient enforcement (I am all for it), but the different standards of enforcement in different cities and towns. I have actually seen a traffic policeman in BG, who actually tried to find out whose cars they belonged to (instead of issuing immediately), in front of the usually congested roads outside a sinseh practising from home. We also have this nagging feeling about people who parked illegally outside designated parking lots getting away, like what I experienced in Kepong Baru, KL. Anyway, I sure miss the system where parking attendants issue tickets for us to pay later, and we get fined only if we did not pay up. Very often, we get held up in the bank, for instance, for longer than expected.
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