Why some women refuse to see anyone before makeover...

This photo below was taken at a competition in June 2008. The competition was between 9 women for best makeover.

They had every possible beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest.

Look at the before and after photos.

Conclusion - there are no ugly women only poor women.

The woman 2nd from the left won the contest.


Or why some marriages fail? Just imagine seeing someone who is always in her best made up form... and then waking up to see her in her natural state. Perhaps, the next step is to test whether 'beauty is only skin deep'...

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Religion to some people...

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

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More of the classic GCSE exam answers...

What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

In a democratic society, how important are elections?
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
Premature death.

What is artificial insemination?
When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

What is the most common form of birth control?
Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

What is a seizure?
A Roman emperor.

Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

Use the word judicious in a sentence to show you understand it’s meaning.
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}

What is a turbine?
Something an Arab wears on his head.

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A welcome sight during this dry spell

happiness written all over its face!


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Why a Politician should not be late for an event...

Priest’s Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honour of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

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