The one that catches her eye

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.

She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies.

"Just the ones that catch my eye."

Subject: woman sometimes a.k.a. wife

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas.

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous.

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman.

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison.

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran.

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray.

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget once... - Anonymous.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henry Youngman.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

My comments:- Yet, if you try to book a good restaurant for a wedding, you need almost a year’s booking in advance. "Wise men say, only fools rush in..." croons Elvis.

Maddermatics

Some people tried too hard to work at mathematics and discovered some new formulae:-

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

My comment for the last line: As in a sale, a woman will pay $2 for the $2 item that she doesn't need, if the price halved.

Eat it while it is hot!

Dictionary of truisms

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Classic: A book, which people praise, but do not read.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest, except that he got caught.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Diplomat: A person, who tells you to go to hell, in such a way, that you actually look forward to the trip.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Lecture: An art of transferring information, from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students, without passing through the minds of either.
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway, "See? I am not injured yet."
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.