"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."
"Patient was alert and unresponsive."
"Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
"Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
"Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
"The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
"She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
"The skin was moist and dry."
"Skin: Somewhat pale but present."
"I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
"Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."
"The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
"The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."
"The patient refused an autopsy."
"The patient has no past history of suicides."
"The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
"The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."
Ha! Ha!
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