Putting gambling skills to good use...

In Malaysia, it is an open secret that for those who struck lotteries, they have a choice of payment by cash or cheque. For smaller amounts, cash is preferred and the local agent can accumulate a substantial payout for a particular prize which can be 'sold' plus a percentage to someone with slush funds or who had under-declared his income, so that he can claim to have struck lotteries and therefore can afford a big house and luxury cars.

Even in politics, rumours had it that Hee was given a large inducement via Sports Toto! So far, BN political leaders are perceived to be well protected from both LHDN or MACC, provided they toe the line.

The recent spat between Khir Toyo and Sekinchan state assemblyman over the former's Rm24million house could well turn into a poker game. Khir offered to give half of the sale proceeds to him if he could sell it for that amount. Sekinchan countered by offering to find a buyer for him at the price which he claimed as the purchase price of Rm3.5million. Tun Dr. Mahathir said he did not believe Khir's price, which was damning indeed. Khir could have said that he won the house after betting with a well-heeled businessman that he could reduce the opposition to zero in the last general elections but ended up being Mr. Opposition instead! A sort of hedging if you like. But for him being a muslim, my suggestion is a definite no-no, even taken as a joke.

Anyway, let's look at how an inveterate gambler in USA made good use of his skill:

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's
desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!


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