We are a perfect nation...

if we watch national television, read mainstream papers and believe everything our national leaders said.

We are more democratic and our educational system is better than the USA. Our DPM who is also the Education Minister said so, and he can't be wrong, can he? We are united as one nation as proven by 1Malaysia and our PM is very popular among the people, as evident from the long queues of people wishing to shake his hands at his functions. Every foreign tourist interviewed is impressed with our wide variety of delicious free foods and the friendly people they met at every turn.

We are a land of great opportunities as can be seen by the many boats full of people trying to land on our shores illegally and at great personal risks.

Our students are in great demand by foreign countries, especially our immediate neighbour across the causeway, who poached them even before they finished their studies in schools. Many Malaysians become top professionals, technocrats and academicians in foreign countries. We are magnanimous enough to let them be, since we have more than enough people who we wish to get rid off anyway. Brain drain? For every ungrateful Malaysian leaving we can have ten times more who we can rely on to vote BN.

Our MACC is the 'best among the best' in the world because we select who to prosecute depending on their political affiliations. BN politicians and their cronies can never go wrong as far as we are concerned, as you can see from the many who are not charged or cleared, especially if they are suspected of illegal mega deals. You should judge us on how we deal with those who try to fiddle with small sums. We make sure they pay for what we suspect them to have done. We have ways of doing things, like relaxing by watching porn on our office computers. This is actually illegal, but then again, we are the law, if not, above the law, aren't we?

Our Attorney General has all the powers to decide who should or should not be prosecuted, and can even decide before a trial, how many are actually involved in a murder case! This comes with years of training and experience, so those who have no such skills should just shut up.

Most of our official documents are stamped with 'Official Secret' and therefore not allowed to be seen or shown elsewhere for the purpose of finding out more about them. This is because we have enough civil servants who are trusted enough to carry out their duties according to instructions or order from the top. Disclosure will only affect the smooth running of our administration. Civil servants are well looked after: they come on time (if not, their colleagues will clock in for them) and they have their breakfast during office hours, so if you cannot find them in the office, they can easily be found in the canteen. If you complain, they will attend to you, and consider it closed because they think so. It helps if you are nice to them, after all they are humans like us with feelings, aren't they? Even our PM shows leadership by example with his 'lu tolong gua, gua tolong lu' and this is acceptable in our society.

As to how to deal with troublesome people, we have our Internal Security Act, which proves to be very useful. Even the developed western countries are learning from us! They have problems dealing with extremists and could not handle them because they prioritise on democratic and human rights; freedom of speech and expression; justice and equality; political correctness and so on. They don't know how to run a country. We just have ISA and the help of the police with water cannons and tear gas, and no more unrest. Even the best lawyers cannot deal with us because we have our judiciary to thank for, with the warning that anyone who belittle the judges will be charged for contempt of court. It is so easy if you know how.

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