Seriously, it is very interesting. I have typed out the speech because the image cannot be enlarged to be readable:
Farts
Hi, today I am going to talk to you about farts.
Some people think farts are rude and some people think farts are funny, like me.
I think farts are hilarious.
Farting is a fact of life. Everybody farts.
The Queen farts, superstars fart and I fart.
We will fart until the day we die. And apparently a person can still fart after death.
Do you know why we fart?
Fratulence, wind or farts, whatever you like to call them, is the production of the mixture of gases in the digestive tract, that are by-products of the digestive process.
The average person farts about 14 times a day, which produces about half a litre of fart gas. (Personally I think I fart more than 14 times a day).
Farts are made up of the following:
Nitrogen, the main ingredient making up 59%; next behind is hydrogen at 21%; 9% carbon dioxide; 7% methane; 3% oxygen; and 1% other stuff.
But listen to this – hydrogen suphide is the compound that makes them stink!
Here are the top 10 farters:
1st Termites
2nd Camels
3rd Zebras and my pony Free
4th Sheep
5th Cows
6th Elephants
7th Labradors and retrievers
8th Humans (vegetarians)
9th Humans (non-vegetarians)
10th Gerbils (also known as the desert rat)
If you are going to fart, do not sit by flames, because farts are very flammable.
Also, they can come motoring out of your bottom at 10 kmh.
No wonder some of you have holes in your undies!
Please do not panic if you find yourself trapped in a small space like a closet, as it is impossible to suffocate in your own farts. Unless Ben (my little brother) is there with you!
Anyway next time you fart, don't think it is rude. Just know that everybottie, oops, I mean, everybody farts.
Thank you for listening to my fartastic speech.
Here's a little poem that I'd like to share with you:
“A fart can be useful
It gives the body ease.
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.”
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