What I can offer is some insight into a man's psyche on man-woman relationships. Just watching some Chinese period serials on television would give us an idea of how women used to be taken for granted, by grandparents, parents and brothers. Polygamy was expected and accepted, even by women. So we can imagine how a man could womanize without giving any thought to how his wife would feel. It was an open secret then that the so-called 'business entertainment' would involve female company and sex. For all the macho display of men in control of situations, how many of them could accept if their wives looked for sex with other men? To a man, the worst is being cuckolded, whether real or imagined. It does not matter whether it is true or not, but if others bitch about it, then the man will feel like the end of the world. If his wife continues to be seen in the company of other men (frequent enough to set tongues wagging) then divorce seems the only way out to avoid being a cuckold or 'wearing the green hat' in Chinese. On the other hand, again to do with 'face', a man might try his best to avoid divorce (as in failure in marriage) thinking that other people are waiting to start gossiping about his failed marriage and the reasons behind it, especially the juicy details (some created to make it more interesting).
Before anyone can consider divorce, he or she has to consider whether it is going to be straight forward or full of acrimony. Having children complicate matters. Many men or women would consider divorce if it is straight forward without having to deal with the past. But how could you avoid your children's weddings, for instance? Financial matters need to be untangled and properties sorted out. I can imagine the hassle of going through it would put off many wannabees. Recent views by women include the following writers:
Call me old-fashioned or conservative, but I wouldn’t be able to cope with an open marriage. For example, I couldn’t sit at home watching reruns on the TV while my husband has a dalliance with another woman...
What sort of relationship is that? Even if you’re okay with that sort of set up, you might as well be divorced.
Of course, some couples who have an open marriage still share the same bed. I’m not sure how I could cope with my husband lying next to me reeking of another woman’s duty free perfume, or how I would react to him touching my body with a hand that still holds the warmth of another woman’s body. Or maybe we will become more attracted to each other, simply because others now find us desirable. It’s the old “you don’t know what you’ve got until you’re in danger of losing it” syndrome.
Also, a fling could easily develop into something deep and potentially marriage-threatening. What if my husband were to fall for the cute flight attendant? I can imagine him snuggling up to me in bed one night and saying, “Guess what, darling? I’m in love. I think we need to get a divorce.”...
Quite a number of my friends have gone through painful experiences because they chose to divorce.
A couple must have patience, perseverance, commitment, endurance, tolerance, LOVE and many more traits to be able to live together.
Thanks to Hollywood stars and movies, many may think that when love runs out, it is time to get a divorce. It does not work that way.
To make a marriage work, there has to be effort to sustain love, nurture each other, care etc - the works.
Also, one must not try to change the other to be who he/she wants them to be.
It is being the right partner and being happy, contented and fulfilled...no matter what.
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Mary Schneider said (among other things):
Call me old-fashioned or conservative, but I wouldn’t be able to cope with an open marriage. For example, I couldn’t sit at home watching reruns on the TV while my husband has a dalliance with another woman...
What sort of relationship is that? Even if you’re okay with that sort of set up, you might as well be divorced.
Of course, some couples who have an open marriage still share the same bed. I’m not sure how I could cope with my husband lying next to me reeking of another woman’s duty free perfume, or how I would react to him touching my body with a hand that still holds the warmth of another woman’s body. Or maybe we will become more attracted to each other, simply because others now find us desirable. It’s the old “you don’t know what you’ve got until you’re in danger of losing it” syndrome.
Also, a fling could easily develop into something deep and potentially marriage-threatening. What if my husband were to fall for the cute flight attendant? I can imagine him snuggling up to me in bed one night and saying, “Guess what, darling? I’m in love. I think we need to get a divorce.”...
More:
Mediocrity spells doom
Paula said :
Quite a number of my friends have gone through painful experiences because they chose to divorce.
A couple must have patience, perseverance, commitment, endurance, tolerance, LOVE and many more traits to be able to live together.
Thanks to Hollywood stars and movies, many may think that when love runs out, it is time to get a divorce. It does not work that way.
To make a marriage work, there has to be effort to sustain love, nurture each other, care etc - the works.
Also, one must not try to change the other to be who he/she wants them to be.
It is being the right partner and being happy, contented and fulfilled...no matter what.
More (with flowchart!):
Think again
Think again
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