Between two grandmas

My son was about four years old when we came back from UK for good. My mother-in-law suggested that my wife assist her in her business and that was the start of my 12-year weekly travelling between BG and KL. In other words, until we had our own house in 1994, my son lived with my in-laws until he was 16! During those years, my elder daughter was born in 1983 and about two years later, my younger daughter.

My mother lived alone in Kuala Lumpur. I kept her company during working days from Monday to Saturday and it was an emotional tug-of-war for me between my mother and my own family. My mother used to ask, 'Why are you leaving for BG so early?', while my elder daughter would ask, 'When will you work in Ipoh instead?'

My mother was a housewife all her life. She brought up ten children, though the youngest daughter died of kidney failure at the age of four. I became the 'de facto' youngest in the family and was doted. She had 35 grandchildren and my youngest was her number 35. So, it is understandable when she said to me one day, 'Unlike some people, I won't fight for your children to be with me. It is good that your in-laws welcome them. I am unable to take care of them even if I want to.' I knew that though she had so many other grandchildren, it was said with sadness because I was away in UK for 8 years. Even when I was back in Malaysia, my son, and later my daughters, did not get to see her often, because it was easier for me to travel to see them than vice versa. When I came back in 1981, my father already suffered a stroke and could not communicate with me. He died few months later. It was a few years later that my son lived with my mother for a short period when he worked for a month in KL. My mother passed on in December 1993 and it was only a matter of time before I arranged to join my family in BG.

My parents-in-law had fewer grandchildren and she welcomed my son and later, my daughters, to live with them. Her other grandchildren lived in Ipoh and Kuala Lumpur. They had a day housekeeper and my eldest sister-in-law was around too. My elder daughter enjoyed watching Hong Kong serials on video tapes with grandma and her. The fact that my son lived with my in-laws for 12 years meant he is naturally closer to them. My father-in-law used to take him to school in Ipoh and back. He heard many of his stories and understood him more than others. The bonding was as natural as could be and their relationship good, if not excellent. He learned Hakka easily because his grandparents spoke only in that dialect. It is only natural that he has a soft spot for his maternal grandma as this recent picture shows:

Beng acting as 'interpreter' or 'loudspeaker' because grandma was hard of hearing