Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Some actual notices...

with added introduction in italics:

For dumb asses...

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Nothing is also one of our specialty...
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.

Ladies in general deserve more attention...

Ladies, why walk around Rome with your clothes on?
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

We have specific rules on how you treat a woman...
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

We treat some ladies specially...
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

Something which we are particularly good at...
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

We look after pregnant ladies with care...
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

If you are in labour anytime now...
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

On the other hand, women is like a form of disease...
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Advice to give your food to the needy...
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

Before we forget, just in case you notice the water tastes funny...
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

If you are feeling the heat, self control is still the best...
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

By the way, in case you need a religious extraction...
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

And finally for those in a hurry to be executed...
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.


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