Expanding on 'Diary of a Man'

which was forwarded by a friend but consisted of a page purportedly the cover of the book, and a list of sex jokes which most of us have come across before (those in italics were from the list):

There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men :
"don't " and "stop", unless they are used together.

I think 'getting it wrong', in terms of trying to know what a female date is thinking, must be one of the most common problems faced by men since the beginning of the dating game. Men are supposed to take the initiative and not all men are the same (and so do women). What is fair game to a playboy is a big hurdle to a timid and naïve guy and the fear of rejection must be terrible. I am sure some men got into trouble simply because they made advances thinking their female partners were willing. With the liberalized women, they are bold enough to take the initiative if they fancied their dates and this must have helped a lot in freeing some men from having to hazard a second guess, despite some obvious dropping of heavy hints!

I am not sure whether to take it as a compliment, but I can still remember when as a young man on a course, a female classmate said to another, “K... ah, he is harmless, lah!” That's for being a 'goody two shoe' while the naughty guys seemed to have had good times when they were lucky with their advances.

A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

This inability to agree on when to have sex must be a common problem because it is a very popular topic of jokes in many different forms, even in comics!

From a Sunday comics strip, Baby Blues:
TV: The following program is intended for mature audiences.
Husband (thinking): Hello! Oooh. Whoa. Seismic!
Said to wife: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Wife: That we need to block this channel before the kids see it?
Wife (giving a kiss on his cheek) said: You're such a good daddy.
Husband (visually disappointed, thinking): Final score: Parenting 1 Romance 0.

A married couple at the Zoo walk past the gorilla enclosure. Says the woman:
"Mark , do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behaviour"?
"Look, see that no one is looking and I'll expose one of my breasts to it and just watch how horny it gets, just as you men do".
Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla begins to get a hard-on and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free.
"See" says the woman, "Now I know why you react the way you do, men can't control their animal instincts, just as gorillas can't".
Says Mark : "Now expose both breasts and let's see what happens".

The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets even more excited and is now desperately trying to escape the enclosure.
Says Mark : "This is incredible, now pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum to it and let's see what happens!!!"
The woman pull her skirt up turns around with her bum to the gorilla which by now, extremely aroused, bends the bars apart and breaks free of the cage, grabs the woman and starts tearing her clothes off....
The woman yells: " Mark , what do I do now? Please, help me!!!"

Mark replies: "Well, why don't you give him one of those excuses that you usually give me?:

That you don't feel like it;
That you have a headache;
That you're tired;
That your throat is aching;
That I must understand you as a woman;
That you are depressed;
That it's one of 'those' days;
That you are having a very busy week;
That all you need is just to cuddle;
That you're all tense;
That you have to wake up very early tomorrow;
That you woke up very early today;
That you walked for so long and your feet are aching;
That caresses and hugs is all that you want today;
That you're so tense that all you want is a good
massage to make you relax;
That you feel like watching TV;
That you don't wanna miss the soaps;
That you've just come from the hair salon and therefore you can't do it and ruin your hair..."

"Go on..... explain all that to the gorilla and if he understands, then I agree that we men are just like animals when it comes to sex!!!"

The alternative solution to all that?

Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!


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