With answers like these, small wonder some teachers are good comedians

GCSE Exam

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The following questions and answers are reputed to have been collated from last year's British GCSE exams. (16 year olds)- something I find hard to believe

Question	Answer
Name the four seasons	Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink	Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
How is dew formed?	The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
What is a planet?	A body of earth surrounded by sky.
What causes the tides in the oceans?	The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?	If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
In a democratic society, how important are elections?	Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
What are steroids?	Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
What happens to your body as you age?	When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?	He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.	Premature death.
What is artificial insemination?	When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
How can you delay milk turning sour?	Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)	The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax And the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains The heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
What is the Fibula?	A small lie
What does varicose mean	Nearby
What is the most common form of birth control	Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Give the meaning of the termCaesarean Section	The caesarean section is a district in Rome
What is a seizure?	A Roman emperor
What is a terminal illness?	When you are sick at the airport
Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature	Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Use the word judicious in a sentence to show you understand it's meaning.	Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}
What does the word benign mean?	Benign is what you will be after you be eight
What is a turbine?	Something an Arab wears on his head

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