Do you love me or the children more?

Hypothetical questions on situations which are unlikely to happen can create unexpected problems. There are some questions in life which are better left alone.

I was reading a magazine, Psychologies, and chanced upon this true story.

The day my husband vanished

Excerpts from an article by Cristina Otto in Psychologies magazine:

One conversation
Looking back I can pinpoint the moment everything changed between us – incredibly, it was during the course of one single conversation. We'd been watching the film Sophie's Choice and Jeremy asked me, 'if you had to choose who to save – me or the children – who would it be?' I tried not to answer, saying, 'The love I have for you is totally different from the love I have for our children.' But he insisted I make a choice. Finally I said, 'My children are totally helpless, they're my babies. I carried them inside me. If I had to choose I would choose them.' I was shocked by his emotional reaction. The tears started rolling down his face as he said, 'I would save you because with you I could have other children, but if I chose the children, they could never give me another you.' After that something changed for ever between us. Jeremy would go out to play golf and not come back until the next day. The first few times it happened I was frantic – waiting up all night. When he returned he'd merely say he'd been 'with friends' and offered no further explanation...

Searching for closure
Over the years, I've had to accept that Jeremy was a different man from the person I thought I'd married. Perhaps by leaving like that he meant somehow to punish me for, as he saw it, loving our children more than him, but even though I can rationalise his actions I still find them hard to believe.

Now when I look at Helena and Peter I am incredibly proud. I love them so much and they're so well-adjusted. I'm blessed to have them and if I had to go through this again to get them, I would do it gladly. But deep down I still want closure. I need to ask Jeremy just one question: 'Why did you leave us?' My children are growing up – Peter is 18, Helen is 20 – and they too need to look into his eyes and find out why he left. Otherwise I'm worried they'll be searching for that answer for the rest of their lives.

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