Humour in Dilbert's one liners...

On what seems like excuses:
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
The road to success.... is always under construction.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

Pretence?
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Honest opinions or truism?
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.
Born free, taxed to death.

Born loser?
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

Useless explanations?
Someday is not a day of the week.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
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