Actual situational jokes

On our way back from Sitiawan, a bridal car passed by and I commented, “Another fool rushes in”.

As we were coming back, after a visit to a bird’s nest dealer, our prospective British buyer said there are swifts in Britain but they don’t have this kind of stuff, and I told him, “Even the swifts in Britain are polite – they don’t spit!” My wife actually told a swift-keeper how lucky he is, “each time a swift spits out, it is $money to you”.

A few years ago, a Chinese lady police officer joked about when she was in charge of a rape case. The alleged Chinese rapist, who could not understand Bahasa Malaysia, was bewildered when the victim was told to ‘tolong sifatkan…’ He asked the police officer, “Why was the reference to ‘sifat’ as he did not do anything to her backside?”

The other night, I was watching TV news and I cringed when the Malay lady reader mentioned the name, ‘Thirunama’. I was told Lingam in Tamil means something similar to Bhutto in Malay!

Already T-shirts with ‘Lingam was speaking to me’ selling like hot cakes. Others: ‘Looks and sounds like me, BUT… so does Brad Pitt LAH!’ ‘BUMPED into HIM> in Changi (He’s just tagging along)’ ‘Correct Correct Correct’
New T-shirts should have ‘the person who looks and sounds like Lingam spoke to Me’.

One of the coffee shops we frequent for breakfast is called ‘Foo Kee’ and each time I mention that name when I tell a friend where I am (over the phone), at least one or two persons will turn to look at me.

For those who understand Hakka dialect:

A middle-aged widow who is a rubber tapper has been going out with a married man. Friends and relatives warned her that he might be after her money. Her reply: “Ngai yew lui pin ki ngak? Chi pet mau chu yew ki tiau ng kian hoi!”

Before this, as an example of her foul language: “su yun san hei how toh moon, oh took ngiau kum meh chi pet marn hoi moon.”

Perhaps I will leave it to Hakkas to translate the last two jokes.