Mr. Right, where are you?

The Star’s Wong Sai Wan’s column on Friday 19, touched on something relevant to bachelor boys and girls. I just want to highlight some quotes for the benefit of those who are overseas.

According to Wanita MCA’s study, 70% of all those joining the workforce as professionals, are women. 60% of all students in public universities in the country are women.

Wong quoted a lady (not from Wanita MCA) who said, “50% of all available men are married or spoken for. Another 30% are gay and a further 10% are jerks. This means that all of us single women are running around trying to attract only 10%. We have so little choice.”

Then he quoted from her email:

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

The two very attractive ladies who had the discussion with Wong are professionals and holding managerial posts. One is in a multi-national company and the other in a local listed corporation.

From someone who considers himself in the category of No.5, I can see the two ladies’ problems.

Successful and attractive ladies who have high incomes, live in luxury homes, drive exotic cars and frequent expensive restaurants and so on, can be intimidating to most men. Imagine if they were to look for men who had at least the same status and equally attractive, the market is very small indeed, let alone someone with better credentials.

For men who had the ‘qualities’ (this is subjective as different people have different opinions) are likely to look for attractive ladies who are not over-confident. Some would prefer more submissive type to match their strong personalities. I think two strong-willed persons are unlikely to be compatible unless they happen to be very similar in outlook and likes and dislikes.

For the purpose of matching, the attractive and successful ladies should come down from their pedestals and be more down to earth occasionally. This could attract those who might have all the qualities they look for but only happen to be those who could not make the first move.

For example, if on a date at an expensive restaurant, do not always show off that you are so at home that you know every staff, especially the manager or even the boss, and decide what to have for both. Give a chance to the poor man to handle the evening for a start.

I, for one, dislike ladies who give the impression they have ‘been there, done that’ and nothing seems to interest them anymore. I would be very particular to know if the lady is genuinely interested in me and not with roving eyes looking out for attractive men or people she knows just to show how well-connected she is.

Then there are other turn-offs like always talking about money matters and names dropping.

I think religion can be an important factor too. There are those who are more religious (or more likely, pressure from parents) and therefore insistent on knowing a potential suitor who professes the same religion.

I think it would be better to have an open mind when knowing someone and not exclude him just on religion alone. It would be a pity if a potentially suitable person were not even given a chance to have a friendship to start with to see if each is compatible with the other in other aspects. Here again, it somewhat reduces the market to a certain extent.

I think successful ladies are likely to be too demanding, even if sub-consciously, in what they are looking for. It has a lot to do with being able to reach managerial level in the first place.

For women, it can be ironic that a capable, intelligent and self-made person is likely to find one who is compatible in terms of intelligence and sense of humour, for instance, instead of a rich man who can provide all the luxuries and likely to insist that she be a ‘lady of leisure’.

Being close to small towns, I have come across two young ladies who got married at 21! One married a local politician’s son and the other already registered with a son of a foundry boss. To them, since they are not academically inclined, why study?

Some parents still have the mentality that they would rather provide the capital to buy a shop-house or for starting a business instead of letting their children continue their education which seems a waste of time and money!