Lament of an unemployable...

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it – mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next, I tried to be a chef – figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.


Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried but I just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a workout centre, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

My best job was as a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian – until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So, I tried retirement and found that I’m perfect for the job.