I can see clearly now

After a few gaffes, I have decided that it is best not to tell anyone directly who he or she looks like.

Women, especially, are generally vain and like to think of themselves as prettier than what others would normally think of them.

Once, I mentioned to a lady that she looks like a teacher we know. “Do I look like her?” she said, visibly disappointed. Later, I realized she meant, “surely I look prettier than her!”

It is even worse, for example, to say someone looks like his or her daddy or mummy, when in fact, he or she was adopted!

With DNA tests these days, some dark secrets are bound to come out sooner or later. Some people have dominant genes and their features are likely to be carried by their offsprings. For such cases, even without tests, people would be talking behind their back. That is, if they have any dark secrets!

Midwife asked young woman in maternity ward if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

" I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman,
"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and present her to the girl, and immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark!”