A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.
When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00
He asks the Manager, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"
"I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."
"Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"
"That's right, sir, you could have, said the manager. Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Professional opinion and diagnosis
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she lays her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20...But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."
Monday, May 28, 2007
How do you get to heaven?
I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
I was just bursting with pride for them.
Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"
I was just bursting with pride for them.
Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
ICE, ICE, Baby
Useful tip from the internet:-
Our mobile phones normally have over a hundred names/numbers stored in its memory yet nobody else knows which of these numbers belong to our dearest?
In case of an accident or a heart attack, whoever is helping us, gets hold of our mobile phone but do not know which number to call to inform the right family member. Yes, there are usually a hundred numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency?
For this reason, we must have one or more telephone numbers stored under the name ICE (In Case of Emergency) in our mobile phones.
Recently, the concept of "ICE" is catching on quickly. It is simple, an important method of contact during emergency situations.
As cell phones are carried by majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during an emergency as “ICE" (meaning In Case of Emergency).
The idea was thought up by a paramedic, who often faces this problem of who to contact. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there were a nationally recognized name for this purpose.
Following a disaster in London, the East Anglican Ambulance Service has launched a national "In Case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign.
In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital staff would then be able to quickly contact your next of kin, by simply dialling the number stored as "ICE".
It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.
For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc.
A great idea that will make a difference!
Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our mobile phones today!
Another useful tip: Make use of your car alarm system.
Start keeping your car keys next to where you sleep.
If you think someone is trying to get into your house, or if you hear a noise outside your house, just press the alarm button on the remote controller of your car.
If your car alarm is activated when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the would-be burglar or rapist won't stick around.
Try yours to make sure it works before you rely on it. Just remember to press the alarm button again to turn it off.
And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car at night or when you are alone.
This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or prevent someone from sex abuse.
So remember to put your car keys & remote controller on the bedside table from now on!
Our mobile phones normally have over a hundred names/numbers stored in its memory yet nobody else knows which of these numbers belong to our dearest?
In case of an accident or a heart attack, whoever is helping us, gets hold of our mobile phone but do not know which number to call to inform the right family member. Yes, there are usually a hundred numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency?
For this reason, we must have one or more telephone numbers stored under the name ICE (In Case of Emergency) in our mobile phones.
Recently, the concept of "ICE" is catching on quickly. It is simple, an important method of contact during emergency situations.
As cell phones are carried by majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during an emergency as “ICE" (meaning In Case of Emergency).
The idea was thought up by a paramedic, who often faces this problem of who to contact. He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there were a nationally recognized name for this purpose.
Following a disaster in London, the East Anglican Ambulance Service has launched a national "In Case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign.
In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital staff would then be able to quickly contact your next of kin, by simply dialling the number stored as "ICE".
It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.
For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc.
A great idea that will make a difference!
Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our mobile phones today!
Another useful tip: Make use of your car alarm system.
Start keeping your car keys next to where you sleep.
If you think someone is trying to get into your house, or if you hear a noise outside your house, just press the alarm button on the remote controller of your car.
If your car alarm is activated when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the would-be burglar or rapist won't stick around.
Try yours to make sure it works before you rely on it. Just remember to press the alarm button again to turn it off.
And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car at night or when you are alone.
This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or prevent someone from sex abuse.
So remember to put your car keys & remote controller on the bedside table from now on!
Friday, May 25, 2007
PPE, Oxford vs PPE, Oxford
From Jeff Ooi's Screenshots:
"It's like God-send, blogger Tony Pua looked set for a round free publicity he needn't pay to help him launch his political career.
Yesterday, Utusan Malaysia reported that the Son-in-Law had demanded a public apology from DAP and Pua, who is now economic adviser to DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng,for saying that the civil service is the dumping ground for unemployed Malays.
When Pua refused, the Son-in-Law pumped up his pressure again yesterday, asking the former to retract his statement. And the echo chamber rattled the good old way it used to be, where rationale and intellectual debate gave way to emotions -- here, and here. The contra voices came from Shamsul Amree Baharuddin of Alam Tamadun Melayu (Atma) UKM and PAS sec-gen Kamaruddin Jaafar.
Backgrounder
May 23 after the BN Government announced the pay rise for the public servants backdropped against the imminent general election, Pua claimed that the government sector is a dumping ground for bumiputera graduates who failed to obtain jobs in the private sector.
He said this not only results in a low quality labour force in the civil service but also increases the government's responsibility. Quote from Malaysiakini:
According to Pua, the rising number of civil servants since 1990 especially under the current prime minister signals the failure of former premier Dr Mahathir Mohamad's privatisation programme.
He said that in 1990, the government had 773,997 employees; in 2000, the numbers increased to a total of 894,788 – a 15.6 percent increase and since then, the numbers have increased to an additional 210,000 – resulting a 23.5 percent jump in a time frame of only six years.
Mahathir's privatisation policies which started 20 years ago were meant to cut the number of civil servants by 500,000 to reduce the government's expenditure.
Subsequently, Utusan lent the Son-in-Law the platform to demand DAP and Pua to apologise to the whole civil service as they have continuously contributed to the growth of the nation .
The Son-in-Law was quoted as saying that many of the public servants "had voluntarily foregone golden opportunities in the private sector to serve the country".
Pua, on the other hand, claimed that his statement was "taken out of context". He explained that he was merely "questioning the government's policies" and that his statements "were not meant to insult civil servants".
Pua told Screenshots that he will hold a press conference at 10.30am at the DAP HQ today to clear the air over this matter.
We were told, to honour the Right of Reply, DAP has booked a hall for the Son-in-Law to attend a friendly and intellectual debate on the issue next week.
Both Pua and the Son-in-Law were Oxford graduates with a bachelor's degree in PPE Philosophy, Politics and Economics)."
Interesting debates are here again. But watch out for mainstream media bias.
"It's like God-send, blogger Tony Pua looked set for a round free publicity he needn't pay to help him launch his political career.
Yesterday, Utusan Malaysia reported that the Son-in-Law had demanded a public apology from DAP and Pua, who is now economic adviser to DAP secretary-general Lim Guan Eng,for saying that the civil service is the dumping ground for unemployed Malays.
When Pua refused, the Son-in-Law pumped up his pressure again yesterday, asking the former to retract his statement. And the echo chamber rattled the good old way it used to be, where rationale and intellectual debate gave way to emotions -- here, and here. The contra voices came from Shamsul Amree Baharuddin of Alam Tamadun Melayu (Atma) UKM and PAS sec-gen Kamaruddin Jaafar.
Backgrounder
May 23 after the BN Government announced the pay rise for the public servants backdropped against the imminent general election, Pua claimed that the government sector is a dumping ground for bumiputera graduates who failed to obtain jobs in the private sector.
He said this not only results in a low quality labour force in the civil service but also increases the government's responsibility. Quote from Malaysiakini:
According to Pua, the rising number of civil servants since 1990 especially under the current prime minister signals the failure of former premier Dr Mahathir Mohamad's privatisation programme.
He said that in 1990, the government had 773,997 employees; in 2000, the numbers increased to a total of 894,788 – a 15.6 percent increase and since then, the numbers have increased to an additional 210,000 – resulting a 23.5 percent jump in a time frame of only six years.
Mahathir's privatisation policies which started 20 years ago were meant to cut the number of civil servants by 500,000 to reduce the government's expenditure.
Subsequently, Utusan lent the Son-in-Law the platform to demand DAP and Pua to apologise to the whole civil service as they have continuously contributed to the growth of the nation .
The Son-in-Law was quoted as saying that many of the public servants "had voluntarily foregone golden opportunities in the private sector to serve the country".
Pua, on the other hand, claimed that his statement was "taken out of context". He explained that he was merely "questioning the government's policies" and that his statements "were not meant to insult civil servants".
Pua told Screenshots that he will hold a press conference at 10.30am at the DAP HQ today to clear the air over this matter.
We were told, to honour the Right of Reply, DAP has booked a hall for the Son-in-Law to attend a friendly and intellectual debate on the issue next week.
Both Pua and the Son-in-Law were Oxford graduates with a bachelor's degree in PPE Philosophy, Politics and Economics)."
Interesting debates are here again. But watch out for mainstream media bias.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Oppositionists vs Opportunists
(L-R) Ong Kian Ming (formerly from Sedar, Gerakan’s think-tank, now in pursuit of a PhD), Nat Tan (Special Assistant to PKR’s Tian Chua), Tony Pua (Advisor to DAP’s Lim Guan Eng), Nik Nazmi (Special Assistant to PKR’s Anwar Ibrahim).
New Kids on the Block.
Except for Ong Kian Ming (assuming he is a member of Gerakan, which is a coalition partner of the ruling party), this group of young intellectuals are worthy opponents of the much-hyped Oxford opportunist.
Nik Nazmi could have had an easy start in Malaysian politics if he chose the BN route but his propensity towards opposition politics was evident during his undergraduate years in King’s College, London.
I am surprised at the many well-educated and highly qualified young men and women who are willing to commit themselves to the opposition, as the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages. It seems like a calling to serve the country in checking the ruling party, which is getting too powerful and arrogant and unable to control rampant corrupt practices evident all over the country.
Satria Cabriolet?
Could this be a better alternative to utilitarian Juara or Arena?
With the benefit of hingsight, though with good intentions, Juara or Arena did not catch on with the masses and did not benefit from economies of scale.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Tony Blair quits...
Flashback to a BBC report:
Prime Minister Tony Blair got a case of the blues when he made his first visit to Sheffield since being elected to office in 1997.
Mr Blair was at Firth Park Community College along with Home Secretary and Sheffield Brightside MP David Blunkett.
He made a speech to college pupils, but was not so forthcoming when questioned by reporters about a possible campaign to oust Saddam Hussein from Iraq.
The prime minister soon forgot the pressures of the job however, when along with Mr Blunkett he took part in an impromptu jamming session!
Mr Blair played lead guitar, while his home secretary kept a steady beat on the drums as both men joined in a 12-bar blues piece with school band The Jabberwocker.
During his undergraduate years, Tony Blair was the guitarist and lead singer for a rock cover band called Ugly Rumors.
He is my dream jam sessionist. Another one is Bill Clinton, for his sax appeal.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
The truth hurts...
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer, without exploding.
A tiny fart escaped.
"SPOT!" Yelled the young woman's mother, to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.
Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go.
"Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.
"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here now, before he shits on you!"
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through dinner the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer, without exploding.
A tiny fart escaped.
"SPOT!" Yelled the young woman's mother, to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.
Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go.
"Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.
"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here now, before he shits on you!"
The Chinese laundry
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM:
"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM:
"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"
The importance of keeping your promise...
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick.
Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The inscrutable Chinaman...
A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Chinese replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A friend in need is a friend indeed...
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."
He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give him.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
There is no beginning or end.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."
He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown , and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give him.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
There is no beginning or end.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
A Mother's selfless act...
"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window.
The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred.
When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.
He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy . . . called me a freak." He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physician. "Could nothing be done?"
"I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man.
Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret" said the father.
The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father. "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him."
"I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know . . . not yet."
The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come . . . one of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal . . . that the mother had no outer ears.
"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?
Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart.
Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen.
Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.
The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred.
When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.
He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy . . . called me a freak." He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.
The boy's father had a session with the family physician. "Could nothing be done?"
"I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. Whereupon the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man.
Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret" said the father.
The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father. "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him."
"I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know . . . not yet."
The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come . . . one of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal . . . that the mother had no outer ears.
"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they"?
Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart.
Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen, but what that cannot be seen.
Real love lies not in what is done and known, but in what that is done but not known.
Monday, May 14, 2007
The Skywalk at Grand Canyon
Imagine standing 4,000 feet above the Colorado River on nothing more than a sheet of glass. The views up and down the spectacular Grand Canyon are totally unobstructed. You literally have an eagle's view.
That must be why the Hualapai Tribe named this destination the Grand Canyon West's Eagle Point. By mid-summer, you will be able to take a stroll out beyond the rim of the Grand Canyon and look straight down, down, down ... or even get married.
Soon the Tribe's destination will include The Skywalk, which will be a first-ever cantilever shaped glass bridge to suspend more than 4,000 feet above the Colorado River and extend over the Grand Canyon.
The features planned for The Skywalk include: an underground canyon cellar for dining, a trolley designed to maintain the underside of the glass bridge and offer rides to guests, and rooftop dining.
The facility will also include a visitor's center on three levels. There will be a museum, a movie theater, a VIP lounge, a gift shop, and several restaurants and bars. The high end restaurant will be The Skywalk Cafe that will offer outdoor patio and rooftop seating on the edge of the canyon.
Weddings, meetings, or special events can be held in the various private indoor and outdoor facilities available in the visitor center. Other features will be announced later.
Grand Canyon West is located 120 miles east of Las Vegas.
That must be why the Hualapai Tribe named this destination the Grand Canyon West's Eagle Point. By mid-summer, you will be able to take a stroll out beyond the rim of the Grand Canyon and look straight down, down, down ... or even get married.
Soon the Tribe's destination will include The Skywalk, which will be a first-ever cantilever shaped glass bridge to suspend more than 4,000 feet above the Colorado River and extend over the Grand Canyon.
The features planned for The Skywalk include: an underground canyon cellar for dining, a trolley designed to maintain the underside of the glass bridge and offer rides to guests, and rooftop dining.
The facility will also include a visitor's center on three levels. There will be a museum, a movie theater, a VIP lounge, a gift shop, and several restaurants and bars. The high end restaurant will be The Skywalk Cafe that will offer outdoor patio and rooftop seating on the edge of the canyon.
Weddings, meetings, or special events can be held in the various private indoor and outdoor facilities available in the visitor center. Other features will be announced later.
Grand Canyon West is located 120 miles east of Las Vegas.
Effects of computerization
Over-dependence on emails to communicate...
Computer jargon used in normal situation...
A computer-game addict's fantasy...
A pirated software user's nightmare...
Computer jargon used in normal situation...
A computer-game addict's fantasy...
A pirated software user's nightmare...
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Water vs Alcohol...
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria (often called E.Coli) found in water that contains faeces. In other words, we are consuming one kilo of shit.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermentation.
It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you.
THEREFORE...
It is better to drink alcohol and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit!!!
CHEERS!!!
Meanwhile, Paulo Tulipo must have read this report and is convinced...
However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermentation.
It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you.
THEREFORE...
It is better to drink alcohol and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit!!!
CHEERS!!!
Meanwhile, Paulo Tulipo must have read this report and is convinced...
A Letter from Grandma
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just came from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the
air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love,
Grandma
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just came from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the
air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love,
Grandma
Thursday, May 10, 2007
This is wan big miscommunication
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan.And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your
name!!
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan.And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your
name!!
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
With advancement, ordering a beverage is not easy...
Waitress: "What would you like?”
Customer: “What drinks do you have?”
Waitress: Tea, Coffee, Chocolate, etc., and fruit juices.
Customer: "Tea, please"
Waitress: "Chinese or Ceylon?"
Customer: "Ceylon tea, please"
Waitress: "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"
Customer: "white, please"
Waitress: "Fresh Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Customer: "Fresh milk, please"
Waitress: "Goat’s or cow’s"
Customer: "Cow’s milk, please.”
Waitress: "Friesian or Afrikaner?"
Customer: "Oh! Never mind, I will take it black."
Waitress: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Customer: "With sugar"
Waitress:"Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Customer: "Cane sugar "
Waitress:"White , brown or yellow sugar?"
Customer: "Aaaaah! Forget it! Just give me a glass of water instead."
Waitress: "Mineral or distilled water? "
Customer: "Mineral water"
Waitress: "Flavoured or non-flavoured ?"
Customer: "I give up! Just forget about it."
Waitress: "Sir! How about coffee? We now have puppy in your coffee"
Customer: "Oh God! What next? Baby?"
Customer: “What drinks do you have?”
Waitress: Tea, Coffee, Chocolate, etc., and fruit juices.
Customer: "Tea, please"
Waitress: "Chinese or Ceylon?"
Customer: "Ceylon tea, please"
Waitress: "How would you like it ? Black or white ?"
Customer: "white, please"
Waitress: "Fresh Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Customer: "Fresh milk, please"
Waitress: "Goat’s or cow’s"
Customer: "Cow’s milk, please.”
Waitress: "Friesian or Afrikaner?"
Customer: "Oh! Never mind, I will take it black."
Waitress: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Customer: "With sugar"
Waitress:"Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Customer: "Cane sugar "
Waitress:"White , brown or yellow sugar?"
Customer: "Aaaaah! Forget it! Just give me a glass of water instead."
Waitress: "Mineral or distilled water? "
Customer: "Mineral water"
Waitress: "Flavoured or non-flavoured ?"
Customer: "I give up! Just forget about it."
Waitress: "Sir! How about coffee? We now have puppy in your coffee"
Customer: "Oh God! What next? Baby?"
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
Benelux--> back in Differdange
It was a nice warm sunny day in Differdange when the bus arrived at CEPS, our research institute. We predictably had slightly too many boxes and luggages for the bus - some had to be stored in the bus driver's sleeping area (a secret compartment under the bus) and on the seating area of the bus (it is good that there are only seventeen of us). Anyway, the Luxembourgish bus driver was in impeccably good humour and did not mind our heavy luggages.
I did not get a lot of sleep last night while I was packing away my cosy Leuven room. I will miss it a lot, although having my own bathroom in my Differdange hotel room does have its appeal.
The last days of my Leuven term were hectic. Last Saturday was my Comparative Social Policy oral exam. This is the course given by a rather charismatic Flemish government minister (regional government of the federal state of Belgium) who was educated in Oxbridge. I 'wikipedia-ed' him and found some interesting information about him *wink* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Vandenbroucke.
His course was one of the better courses in the programme. Once, he invited two guest speakers for one of our seminars, a member of the European Parliament and a Dutch academic who frequently advises on European Union social policy matters. That turned out to be an interesting session.
Later that night, we had a big house barbeque party. The accommodation office decided to compensate our troubled first weeks with frequent power cuts by sponsoring a nice barbeque (the 'in' thing to do with our soaring temperatures). Many friends and friends' friends came and we ended up with 60-plus people. By the end of it, we still had leftovers of meat and drinks. And to top it all, the local police dropped by to tell us to lower down our music. This, according to local 'tradition', made our house party a *real* house party in Leuven. ;)
Then on Sunday, a few of us rushed to the Hague which was preparing for the Dutch annual Queen's Day (Koninginnedag) on 30th April. My coursemate's boyfriend's place was located in a largely immigrant-populated area. It felt like some parts of London, but cleaner. We spent most of Sunday at the Scheveningen beach that was a tram away from the city centre and displayed a good mix of long clean beaches, white sand dunes, tropical-themed cafes and restaurants, and amusement stalls.
On Monday, while the rest hopped on to Amsterdam for the main Queen's Day celebrations, I decided to visit an art history museum in the Hague before returning to Leuven. The museum, Mauritshuis, was relatively compact but it exhibited many famous Dutch and Flemish paintings, e.g. the Girl with the Pearl Earring by Vermeer. It was a good decision to return to Leuven, my sprained right foot (from a darn pothole while walking along the crowded streets at night) was swollen and in need of a good rest and some ice.
On Tuesday, it was packing in the midst of farewells and rubbing ice on my foot.
As for today (or this early morning), my extended afternoon nap meant that I did not retrieve my hotel room keys in time. So here I am, lodged in the research institute for the night.
'Benelux' in the last four days (the Hague, Leuven, Differdange) and now I am back to where I was three months ago. Leuven feels like a dream, a really long and nice dream.
It will take a while before we get into the official "dissertation" mood. My guess is, the next ten weeks will go by very quickly. Which means that I should really get some sleep soon and try to reorient myself to working decent hours again.
Cheng
I did not get a lot of sleep last night while I was packing away my cosy Leuven room. I will miss it a lot, although having my own bathroom in my Differdange hotel room does have its appeal.
The last days of my Leuven term were hectic. Last Saturday was my Comparative Social Policy oral exam. This is the course given by a rather charismatic Flemish government minister (regional government of the federal state of Belgium) who was educated in Oxbridge. I 'wikipedia-ed' him and found some interesting information about him *wink* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Vandenbroucke.
His course was one of the better courses in the programme. Once, he invited two guest speakers for one of our seminars, a member of the European Parliament and a Dutch academic who frequently advises on European Union social policy matters. That turned out to be an interesting session.
Later that night, we had a big house barbeque party. The accommodation office decided to compensate our troubled first weeks with frequent power cuts by sponsoring a nice barbeque (the 'in' thing to do with our soaring temperatures). Many friends and friends' friends came and we ended up with 60-plus people. By the end of it, we still had leftovers of meat and drinks. And to top it all, the local police dropped by to tell us to lower down our music. This, according to local 'tradition', made our house party a *real* house party in Leuven. ;)
Then on Sunday, a few of us rushed to the Hague which was preparing for the Dutch annual Queen's Day (Koninginnedag) on 30th April. My coursemate's boyfriend's place was located in a largely immigrant-populated area. It felt like some parts of London, but cleaner. We spent most of Sunday at the Scheveningen beach that was a tram away from the city centre and displayed a good mix of long clean beaches, white sand dunes, tropical-themed cafes and restaurants, and amusement stalls.
On Monday, while the rest hopped on to Amsterdam for the main Queen's Day celebrations, I decided to visit an art history museum in the Hague before returning to Leuven. The museum, Mauritshuis, was relatively compact but it exhibited many famous Dutch and Flemish paintings, e.g. the Girl with the Pearl Earring by Vermeer. It was a good decision to return to Leuven, my sprained right foot (from a darn pothole while walking along the crowded streets at night) was swollen and in need of a good rest and some ice.
On Tuesday, it was packing in the midst of farewells and rubbing ice on my foot.
As for today (or this early morning), my extended afternoon nap meant that I did not retrieve my hotel room keys in time. So here I am, lodged in the research institute for the night.
'Benelux' in the last four days (the Hague, Leuven, Differdange) and now I am back to where I was three months ago. Leuven feels like a dream, a really long and nice dream.
It will take a while before we get into the official "dissertation" mood. My guess is, the next ten weeks will go by very quickly. Which means that I should really get some sleep soon and try to reorient myself to working decent hours again.
Cheng
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Knowing your other half catching fish, and red herring...
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"But why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track.
All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"But why?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track.
All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
The Ultimate Letter of Acceptance
Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen