How should we judge a government?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
A modern 'civilised' approach to 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned':
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water .
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinking house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ...
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going .
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day . She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".
Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS"
Thursday, January 29, 2009
SOME TIME FOR RELAXATION & REFLECTION ...
GOOD HEALTH WITH EXERCISE
SOMEONE TO DANCE WITH
A BIT OF ADVENTURE
BUT MOST OF ALL ...
I WISH YOU
LOTS OF BEAR HUGS
AND THE BLISS OF REAL LOVE
MANY BLESSINGS COME YOUR WAY TODAY:
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE LOVE TO SHARE
HEALTH TO SPARE
AND FRIENDS THAT CARE
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THOSE BLOODY PENGUINS !
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Letting go...a little bit at a time
A young man decided to visit a country known for its uniquely gifted artists. Over the last few years a growing sense of feeling incomplete had stalked him, and the hope behind his journey was to find someone, something, to help him release the great, but still latent forces he knew lived in his heart.
After settling in at a small hostel, he went walking through an expansive outdoor bazaar where hundreds of artisans displayed their works. However, everything seemed commonplace; just another dead-end. What now?
He kept walking, leaving the noisy bazaar far behind him. And that's when his ear caught a light tapping sound from the other side of an old wooden fence. Coming upon an open gate, he peered inside.
A young woman was seated in an open courtyard surrounded by various stone sculptures of wild animals. Although these creations were in various stages of completion, they already exuded a remarkable presence.
Just then the young lady stood up, and pulling a little hammer out of her apron pocket, she walked toward a large stone that was perched on a work pedestal.
After careful examination of one small area she rapped it -- just once -- with her small hammer. She used so little force, he felt sorry for her timidity. Surely, he thought, she must be a novice; but his eyes couldn't believe what happened next.
Suddenly dozens of small pieces of stone broke away. At first he thought she made a mistake and had cracked the whole stone; a moment later he knew otherwise. She had not ruined the stone; instead, she had released its secret character.
With that one blow she had not only uncovered a beautiful white marble-like material, but had shaped it to resemble the graceful neck of a great swan. He was stunned. What magic was this? He longed to know.
"Please forgive me," he said, entering the courtyard, "but how in the world did you do that with a single blow from your tiny hammer?"
"Oh," she laughed. "I'm guessing you've only been there for the last few minutes. Before you began watching me I had delivered hundreds of similar small blows to the exact same spot on that stone. You saw the result of many days of careful work coupled with a special kind of quiet consideration.
"That's how all great things are achieved... consistent attention coupled with persistent effort -- a little bit at a time -- until the right time comes when that work is rewarded. Then nothing can stand in the way of what must be released. The practice of this knowledge, in whatever one intends to do, must produce a subsequent revelation that is the heart of liberation itself."
As they shared a smile and said goodbye, the young man knew he had learned an important secret: With consistent attention and persistent effort you can release whatever now stands between you and the freedom for which your heart seeks.
A Serbian man who went to a witchdoctor in search of a cure for premature ejaculation rather foolishly took the shaman's advice, viz: have sex with a hedgehog.
You know the rest: Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, ended up in the hospital with severe lacerations to his wedding tackle, according to Ananova. A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."
We contacted a member of the International Association of Witchdoctors this morning for a comment. He told us: "This demonstrates the dangers in consulting unlicenced witchdoctors. We advise anyone with ejaculatory disfunction to consult our list of approved practitioners."
On the matter of premature ejaculation, he added: "Mix one teaspoon of powdered ocelot spleen with Red Bull under a full moon. Drink one hour before attempting penetration while sitting in a pentacle formed by toad skulls. Then, when you're on the job, think about the mother-in-law and filling in tax returns."
But to Bayi,
"Here's some advice for the forthcoming year of the Ox I know most of us could use! "
1) Do not get into trouble
2) Aim for greater heights
3) Stay focussed on your job
4) Exercise to maintain good health
5) Practice Team work
6) Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back, take your time trusting others...
7) Save for rainy days
8) Rest and relax
9) Always smile when your boss is around
10) Nothing is impossible
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Viewers of the Youtube clip should watch the reactions of the Judges, Simon, Amanda and Paul. Here are the transcripts of some of their comments:
Simon: You work in a car phone warehouse and you did that! I wasn't expecting that...complete breath of fresh air... absolutely fantastic!
Piers: You have an incredible voice and if you continue to sing like that...you are going to be one of the favourites to win this whole competition!
Amanda: I think we have got a case of a little lump of coal that is going to turn into a diamond!
Simon: I like shows where somebody isn't a professional, has a talent and is not aware of it, has a normal job...and then you see something else!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Caught on camera: The moment a royal guardsman attacked a tourist who mimicked his marching
A guard outside St James's Palace attacked a tourist who was copying his distinctive marching actions, it was revealed today.
The Guardsman, who is supposed never to leave his post unless there is a threat to a member of the royal family, was provoked into lunging at tourist Nick Ibarra, clipping him around the head and aiming a kick at him.
It is understood the guard now faces the prospect of a 'dressing down' from his superiors.
Mr Ibarra continues to follow and copy the guard
The student is having a great time impersonating the guard who does not seem amused by his antics
The attack was captured on film by the 23-year-old's friend Suzanne Cadosch.
When the Colombian student began mimicking the guard, he lost his cool and went for Mr Ibarra.
The Oxford University student also claims he was pushed away by the guard, who used his SA-80 semi-automatic rifle while letting out a furious roar. Ms Cadosch had stopped filming as she was so frightened.
Having had enough the sentry loses his cool and turns around
'I felt this huge hand on my collar and managed to avoid a boot up the backside but he was growling-like a bear,' he said.
'I was worried because he had a bayonet on his gun and didn't want that going somewhere painful. He pushed me away with the gun and I just ran for it.'
The guardsman, who is with the 1st Battalion of the Scots Guards of the Guards Division, was on sentry duty.
Clarence House where Prince Charles lives is within St James's environs.
The guard grabs Mr Ibarra by the collar
The soldier snaps and pushes the student away before noticing the camera and doing an about face
Ms Cadosch said: 'I just thought "Oh My God, he's got a gun and he's going for Nick". He grabbed him and tried to boot him.
'You often see people pulling faces at the guards and marching along with them but obviously this soldier didn't find it funny.
'In hindsight I can understand the soldier losing his cool but it was very frightening.'
A fellow guard said: 'You can understand him wanting to put a hobnailed size 12 up the guy's backside for taking the p****.
'But he will be in hot water for losing his cool when he should have ignored it.'
A spokesman for the Ministry of Defence said it will try to identify the guard and 'speak to him about his behaviour'.
Friday, January 23, 2009
What goes through your mind when someone suggested, ‘Let’s go for a drink.’ ?
Well, it depends on whether you’re a man or a woman.
Perhaps, flowcharts will make it clearer, according to these bar advertisements:
Female minds are definitely more complicated, for whatever reasons.
To the female mind, the above suggestion would lead to 'What to wear?'
Next, 'I need to go to the loo':
IPOH, Jan 20 (Bernama) -- All federal departments and agencies in the states governed by the opposition have been told not to accept and recognise recommendations and certification made by chairmen of village development and security committees (JKKKs) appointed by the state government.
Minister in the Prime Minister's Department Datuk Seri Dr Ahmad Zahid Hamidi said the federal departments and agencies would only accept application forms and support documents signed and certified by chairmen of Federal JKKKs appointed by the federal government.
"And I have instructed the federal department and agency heads in Perak to follow this directive which takes effect immediately," he told reporters after chairing the Perak State Federal Action Council meeting here today.
He said the directive was not applicable to applications or business at federal departments and agencies in the state submitted before today.
Zahid also said all federal department and agency heads in Perak were barred from attending meetings organised by the state government.
This boycott thing is unbecoming of a Federal Minister, presumably with the acquiescence of the PM, both with strong Islamic credentials. I am terribly disappointed. At least Azalina, being a Karate black-belt holder, I can understand her belligerent stance, though still unforgivable.
Excerpt from a Raja Petra's article in Malaysia Today:
The Umno ‘Wow Factor’
A farmer named Lakbir Singh was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in Bolehland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young Malay man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Lakbir looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Lakbir.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Lakbir says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a graduate from Oxford and a Member of Parliament for Umno," says Lakbir.
"Wow! That's correct," exclaims the yuppie with the customary Umno's Wow Factor, "But how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required," answered Lakbir. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, and to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you are, and you don't know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."
The joke is not original, but the adaptation by Raja Petra was superb. Without mentioning name, everyone knows to whom he was referring, which goes to show how some people are really well known for the wrong reasons.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
During the campaign period of the Kuala Terengganu by-election, from Jan 6 till Jan 16, and soon after, an estimated almost 10% of our police force were on duty there. Compared with the total voters, the figure of 9,000 was more than 10%, or 1 policeman to 10 voters. Of course, we have to take into account the large number of visitors in the form of Ministers and so on, from both coalition parties.
While the police force was stretched, there were a number of cases of snatch robberies and burglaries in Batu Gajah.
I first heard about a number of snatch robberies near the local Fire Station. The criminals knew when the fire brigade were not in their compounds, able to look out to the housing estate. The pillion rider would use his crash helmet to knock on the victim’s head, and once she fell, he would kick her before snatching her jewellery and/or handbag.
Then, I got to know about the burglary at my favourite phone shop where a notebook and some handphones were taken. A week later, their next-door neighbour, a computer shop was broken into, this time, through the front door. I just heard about a burglary or robbery at the KFC, which happened yesterday. I was told, the recent spate of burglaries started at a coffee shop, a clinic and a trading company, which happened on the same day! Then a friend’s house was broken into.
I am sure many members of the public are questioning how the police prioritise their duties. The perception seems to be that they are more concerned about keeping track of harmless cyclists, members of public keeping candlelight vigils and unarmed voters and supporters of political parties.